do you have a giant?

As any mother, I have plenty of embarrassing stories. But when I read Jen's prompt for today, ONE immediately came to mind.

Between my pre-med background and reading any article available discussing the in depth variety of names for one's genitalia , I decided that we would call a spade a spade. So when Drake asked me where my penis was I told him, "Mommy played with hers too much and it fell off!" Sadly, Hubby was in ear shot and went ballistic. I thought it was quite funny - Hubby did not. So I retracted my "Mommy's fell off" comment and went with the Kindergarten Cop version - "Boys have penises and girls have vaginas."     "YOU have a giant!?"   "No sweetie, Mommy has a vagina."     "Daddy!! Mommy has a GIANT!!!"   Needless to say Hubby stood there snickering away at our son's new found interest with giants.

Fast forward a few months. It is spring and I, *gasp*, was trying to find a swimsuit so I could participate in the obligatory 'Mommy and Me' swim class. So, with my little gem at my side, I grab a handful of suits and headed into the changing room. Then my sweet obnoxiously loud and inquisitive gem begins bombarding me with questions. "Mommy, why do you keep your underwear on? Is that to hide your giant? Mommy, I want to see you giant. Is it still there??" 

Of course I am NOT the only person in the changing room and pretty soon the room is filled with giggles. They have either caught on that 'giant' means vagina or they think I am some tranny that has a giant penis hiding in her underwear. I of course, am mortified, so I grabbed the suits and b-lined out of there before anyone could get a glimpse of my crimson face.

Fast forward another year. I am almost 7 months pregnant and am pushing Drake in the cart at the local Tar-chay. My obnoxious sweet gem has the memory of an elephant! As I was looking at hair products Drake started asking about his new brother.

Drake: Mommy, where is my baby brother coming out?

Me: Well, God made a special place for Mommy's to have babies.

Drake: Ooooh........ Is the baby coming out of your giant?!

Me: Shhhhhh, well, yes....but we don't talk about things like that in a store.

Drake: Ok.

I should have known to never trust the silence of a four year old because as soon as anyone walked passed us, Drake would loudly proclaim, "My baby is coming out of my Mommy's giant." He stated it to EVERYONE. I could not get out of there fast enough.

Looking back it IS quite funny. In the moment - not so much. Now i think of it as good ammo for the future. Plus, it will be a great story to share with his prom date!!

photo hunt 129 - view

The view from my lounge chair when I was in Palm Beach.

Be sure to check out all the other photo hunters HERE!! If you are playing along, add you link below and leave some comment luv!!

on your mark..... get set.....

Go! Go! Go! Registration for the first annual BlissDom 2008 is today. TODAY girls! Have those typing fingers ready - heard it is going to be open at noon CST. Want the total low down before you sign up? Here it is! Curteousy of the ever beautiful Lotus also frequently disguised as one sarcastic momma.

BD is hosting a conference at The Hotel Preston (those who are able to attend will get a discount code for staying at the hotel if that is needed) in Nashville on October 18.

It’s an all day blogging conference (sponsored by Epson) with panels, Q&A, tons of fun ladies… and it ends with a corporately sponsored swanky cocktail party!

(You know what you get at one of those? SWAG, BABY, SWAG!)

Can you go, you ask? YES, YES YOU CAN! And you can come and meet this lassie - live in the flesh!!

How much does it cost, you ask? NOTHING! It’s free. You are just responsible for bringin’ yo-self, puttin’ yo-self up, and feedin’ yo-self.

There are limited seats available - 75 in all. The official registration is Friday Sept. 26,as in today, and the announcement about who got a seat will come on Monday Sept. 29.

secret sharing again!

Well, this has been quite the week for sharing secrets. Did you know Diane of Mommy Diaries trusted me with HER blog today. Crazy I know! I have to admit that I am one to snoop, so I have enjoyed poking around in all her nooks and crannies. She's got some good stuff over there! I unleashed a few more secrets over there...ssshhhh!

Oh, and remember the secret I unleashed the other day about Blissdom 2008??? I thought you would. Well, Colleen from Mommy Always Wins has stepped up and accepted my road trip challenge! Together we will be trekking to Nashville juiced up on Starbucks and ready to par-tay. I am looking forward to finally meeting her and sharing this amazing experience with all of these blissful divas! There is still room if you would like to join us - don't be afraid! I promise we'll play nice.

You can also check out some of my other secret sharing over here. Ok not really, but I am trying to be enticing! Not working .... darn. Well, head over there anyway cause there is lots of great things going on!

wordless wednesday - summer revisited: ready, aim, fire!!

Be sure to check out other WW participants HERE and add your link if you are playing!

secret = road trip

Ok, I hinted to a secret yesterday and finally late this afternoon Mrs. Fussypants decided to share the great news. Yes, I am impatient so trying to wait all day long was painful. Are you ready?? Long pause... wait for it... wait for it.... Ok here it is! BLISSDOM 2008. Ok, I sooo want to call it the Blissdom 2000 tour cause it sounds like some crazy sex toy, but I will refrain - for now. I can't guarantee what I might say after a few drinks at the par- tay. I wonder if that is why I don't get invited to gatherings of this sort... hmmmm. Anyway, I am ditching my male filled house, jumping in the car and driving to Nashville baby! Feel like a road trip? Looking for a roommate? Let me know - I will sleep with you. Well, not in that way, but I will shack up in a hotel room with you. Oh wait, that sounds bad too. Roommate anyone? Anyone?....Bueller?? Is there anyone out there who will tackle the winding roads with me? Drop me a line and we can hook up. Darn I did it again!

i'm your mother??

"I'm your Mother not your..." is a widely used phrase, at least in our house. My boys have heard the barrage of sayings, including "I'm not your slave, maid, butt wiper, clothes/underwear picker upper, nanny, short order cook, referee" - just to name a few.  But to be totally honest, there are those days where my boys leave me shaking my head and I find myself asking, "I'm your mother??" No sooner then the words leave my lips then I hear my mother's ever looming voice inflicting the age old curse, "I hope you get a child JUST. LIKE. YOU."  Now in hindsight, I am realizing what an evil and mean curse that is!  

The world of boys has often times left me speechless. For example - why must my three year old come and press his cute little hynie up against me and make farting noises? Or pull down the front of his pants and scream "Nudie boy!! Nudie boy!!"  Why do both of my boys use the 'no hands' method when going to the bathroom when I specifically remember teaching them to use their hands? Unless of course they aren't in the bathroom, because then they can't keep their hands off of it! There are days their whining makes my ears bleed and their bickering can make me want to poke myself in the eyes with sharp objects. Then somedays, they surprise me and I am reminded how blessed I am to have tow rambunctious boys to keep me busy and on my toes. And for that I am thankful. Now for Pete's sake will you please pick up your socks! I am NOT the maid!!!

dirty little secret

Oh do I have a secret and unfortunately I cannot share at the moment. To clear any weird or perverse thoughts some of you may have - I am not pregnant. Curse you if that thought popped in your seedy little brains!! The official announcement is tomorrow - be on the lookout. I guess I can give a few hints. No one put "official" rules out there as to what can and cannot be shared, so in my rebelious nature I will drop some ideas. I will be partaking in a road trip, getting all prettied up and indulging in a beverage or two.... oh what the heck three or four!! Once I get t the official OK, I will post. maybe you would like to join me on this adventure. Ooops! Did I let that slip?

photo hunt 128 - road

I was having a hard time deciding what to do for ROAD - I mean, won't they all look the same in some way or another? So I decided on posting some pics from my off road trip in the Dominican Republic jungle. This was our stylish Dune Buggie. I will say it had much to be desired in the shock absorbing department but it was fun to drive!

The first challenge was getting to the jungle. There was a quick rain storm that left the roads a little flooded.

They also don't have traffic patterns, center lines or any organized form of driving on roads. I was always worried we were going to run down one of the crazy motorbike riders. They would zip right in front of you without even looking.

Finally! The road less travelled. It was an amazing experience. We travelled 60 miles, which lasted all day, through various remote parts of the island. If you are ever down there I highly recommend it!!

Be sure to check out all the other photo hunters HERE!! If you are playing along, add you link below and leave some comment luv!!

haiku friday

Sobbing in public
Not for your eyes to witness
Leaving me exposed

Nowhere close to hide
The mascara left it's mark
A beacon to all

another ridiculously awesome person

Blogging was made for bitching.

Whether it’s about slow drivers, unruly children, or spouses who can’t seem to pick up their own underwear, the blogosphere is constantly atwitter with our gripes. And while we would in no way suggest you stop bitching, once in a while it’s nice to stop and remember some of those people who makes us forget about the dirty underwear.

It is because of those people that Karen, Hilly and Miss Britt decided to launch The RAP Sheet.

Out here in Blogaritaville, there are some Ridiculously Awesome People. People who touch us, who make us laugh, who make us want to reward them with a cutesy graphic. Those are the people we add to The RAP Sheet.

Oh the high hopes they had! Karen, Hilly and Miss Britt were going to spread love and awesomeness througout the Internet! And everyone would start buzzing about goodness and kindness and awesomeness. And they made it two whole months! Loving on two whole people - before they got totally lazy and distracted! YAY for Love and Awesomeness!

Luckily, they had the beautiful Sam of Temporarily Me to nag and remind them what’s important. And so, at Sam’s insistence, The RAP Sheet is back!! And who better to start of the new trend of awesomeness then Ann at Ann Again... And Again?

Ann has the knack of making me smile, throwing amazing virtual parties and introducing me to some great new music and bands. I can also say that if she didn't live waaayyyy over there in Oregon, we would easily be 'real life' friends. Notice how I made the assumption that she would be my friend for her! Yeah, she is so cool like that. So for her awe inspiring coolness, her inner Mommy tiger and her forever kind and gentle spirit I now pronounce Ann a Ridiculously Awesome Person!

      ***********                ************                ***********                

I know this can be a silly little button, yet another ‘thing’ to decorate your blog with ~ and goodness knows it’s hard to keep up…

But it’s more than that. The RAP Sheet, one day, will be filled with people who touch your heart in ways you never thought possible across the many miles of the internet, through their words, actions and the soul of their character. This is about bringing some love back to the blogosphere, about lifting each other up instead of knocking each other down, about throwing out paranoia about what this person or that person thinks. About accepting the fact that we are all different and unique ~ but that we all have one thing in common: the ability to reach out and touch someone.

Who are YOU going to reach out and touch?

back to mom - a new definition of a quite foreign phrase

With the kids back in school you would think this would be the most opportune time to take back some time for me, the mom. I am sad to say that this is so not the case. Back to school also means back to work and even worse, back to schedules. Where is the time for me??? With crazy schedules it always seems as though I am last on the list. Because of that, last winter I packed on 15 pounds. Yikes!! Because all my pants were too tight I was left sporting the oh so not fashionable muffin top. Be afraid, be very afraid. But wait... do you hear that?

Da da dum.... it is hubby to the rescue!! Now I will take this opportunity to mention that I did try to get hubby to pose for a quick picture in tights and a cape but my begging and pleading fell on def ears. Well not actually, but I am trying to keep this PG so I can't get into all the gorey details! So for now, this generic picture of Superman will have to do! When hubby got a new job and started working from home he decided it would be worthwhile to finally join a gym.

Me: Do you promise to watch the kids so I can go too??
Hubby: Yes. I will go on my lunch hour and you can go after work.
Me: So, you won't give me a hard time when I want to go?
Hubby: Nope.
Me: Excellent!! Sign us up!

So hubby signed us up. It went really well for a while. Then of course summer hit, the kids were home and there just didn't always seem to be enough time to do all the stuff I wanted too. I joined the Tweightloss Challenge in hopes to have others, on the same journey, hold me accountable. It has been an amazing experience. I am happy to say that I am eight pounds down with aspirations to loose another six. I have a feeling these last few will be the death of me. Cold weather is creeping in and that means snuggley nights on the couch. The couch also equals snacking. I really love to partake in a snack on the couch while I unwind after a long day. Hubby also snacks on the couch so the temptation is always there... munching next to me. I should also mention that I am going to Cancun in a month and would like must be swim suit ready. So this week I am back on the horse, eating healthy and hitting the gym. With a few set backs here and there I am really trying making an extra effort to take time for me because if Momma isn't happy (and healthy) then nobody is happy!!

How do you take time for yourself? I am always looking for new ideas!

weekend wrap up

Well, nothing like a weekend to remind you of the true meaning of fall in Wisconsin - football, rain, more football and of course... more rain. Drake had his second game of the season on Saturday in a torrential down pour. Like any good mother, I stood, trying to wrangle Grady away from the looming puddles, while watching 20 boys running and tackling each other through sleeting rain. The boys had fun and looked like little mud monsters when they were done. Nothing beats getting tackled in a HUGE mud puddle, and no I am not talking about Grady! I had the good fortune of having my soccer game cancelled on Sunday thus preventing me from a puddle jumping extravaganza. Believe me, there is nothing worse then the smell of soaking wet soccer cleats!!

This weekend also marked a painful loss for the Buckeyes. They obviously did not get the memo about the game on Saturday night. I can't even believe I stayed up to watch most of it. Thinking of the game still pains me. HELLO!! It was suppose to be their time to shine... sigh. No such luck.

Speaking of getting demolished - my childhood house got smooshed this weekend by one of the huge trees in our yard. It makes me so sad to see my old house that way and to think that huge tree is gone. Thankfully no one was hurt but I can't imagine the cost that is going to be involved in trying to fix a century home.

On a happy note, Drake finally got his new glasses. the first pair of glasses made him look like a bug. No seriously, they did. Hubby tried to surprise me by taking Drake to pick them up a few weeks ago. When I walked in the door from work I could not hide my horror. This is what I saw: Scary isn't it?? I feel bad because I think I actually shrieked at the sight of him then had to back peddle because I hurt his feelings. Slap another Bad Mommy Star on the mantle boys and girls! I returned those glasses and out we went to search for new ones. I have not had a chance to snap a picture of his new specs but they are quite dashing. Maybe once he finally pulls out his front tooth that has been loose for months... But that is another story for another day!

decisions, decisions

Ok, I have seen these cute little boxes all over the place so I had to let you in on the fun. To begin, click on the box. You then must make a series of choices between two items. From here you will be taken to a mystery blog of another person taking part who picked similar answers to you.... who knows where your answers may lead! What adventure will your choices take you on???

photo hunt 124 - wild

Oh yes. THE original wild child. Gotta love a boy who rocks the Rolling Stones Sticky Lil' Fingers shirt while jamming with his head phones. Don't forget his lanyard guaranteeing him back stage access so he can hang with the band. Party on Wayne!

Be sure to check out all the other photo hunters HERE!! If you are playing along, add you link below and leave some comment luv!!

looking for a gift for the girl who has everything?

Then look no further! The mind pool over at Hero Builders decided to make the presidential candidates into Barbie Dolls and Action Figures. Some, I might add, even talk! Curious what Sarah Palin looks like as a naughty school girl? Obama as a beach life guard? This will give you the answer you are looking for!

sunday, monday, happy days

Come on, sing along!! You know you still know all the words. Did you know that one of the cast memebers was immortalized in my home town? Oh yes, they bronzed the Fonz. Check out all the fabulous details HERE!

can i get an 'oh yeah!!'

Oh yes! The day is finally here - the first day of pre-school for Grady. Now, in all honesty, he did start back last week when I started school but 'pre-school' had not started. Yesterday was his official first day of pre-school.
We went out this past weekend to get his supplies which included a new blue folder. He was so excited about that silly folder. We spent Sunday morning decorating it with race car stickers and flames of fire. He was also determined to pick his 'outfit'. Thankfully he chose the same outfit he and Drake wore for their pictures last month but he was sure to add some accessories shall we say? Notice the black head band and mandatory side kick, Doggie.
When we got to school I was a bit taken a back by the door to his classroom. I knew ahead of time who his classroom teacher was but some last minute rearranging changed the classroom assistant. Remember Mrs S??? If you click on the picture and read the sign you will see what I am talking about. Done? Yeah, that's right. She is his new classroom assistant. I am sure she loved the skull and cross bone shorts he wore the first day of school!!! Grady seemed unphased. When I picked him up and asked him how his first day was I got this:
I wonder what she is going to think of my boy always wearing hair accessories???

have you heard the rumor?

So have you heard the latest? No, not about me getting a little too crazy over at Ann's GNO the other night. She was suppose to keep that a secret! Mixing her 'special' punch with my Nyquil made for a very sleepy lassie. Yaaawwwn!

No, the rumor I was referring to was the one about a certain lassie writing at a certain well known site. Yep. It is SO true. I tried to drop a hint a few weeks ago when I added my diva button in my sidebar. What?!? You didn't notice my sly attempt to lure you there? Well, now you have no choice!

This lassie is now going to keep you apprised of all the latest buzz around. Think Hollywood, book reviews, television shows, giveaways! It is all over at the newly revamped Blissfully Domestic. She looks quite ravishing after her face lift doesn't she? But ssshhh!!! You didn't hear that tidbit of buzz from me!

photohunt 126- strings

I tried to be all creative with my picture, but due to one serious head cold, this was all I could come up with. Today is Drake's first football game of the season. These are the strings on his shoulder pads. He plays football, I play futbol..... sigh.

Be sure to check out all the other photo hunters HERE!! If you are playing along, add you link below and leave some comment luv!!

virtual GNO - day late and a drink short

Ann over HERE is having another virtual girls night out. Good thing it is virtual because I have a wicked head cold and am all snotty and gross. No one in their right mind would want me at a party in this state. So I can sit in my jammies with my box of tissues and trusty Nyquil and party like there is no tomorrow. Or shall I say party till the Nyquil kicks in and I am snoring logs on the couch. Either way it should be a good time, no?

Here is Ann's first party game of the weekend, "The Mighty Four":

Four places I go over and over:
1. Target
2. Pac Sun
3. La Perla
4. The beach

Four places I would rather be:
1. Ireland
2. Hawaii
3. Jamaica
4. North Carolina (though now they are buried in water)

Four things I have for breakfast:
1. Coffee
2. Coffee
3. Maybe coffee with some caramel in it
4. Luna Bar

Your turn! I TAG YOU ALL!

who will come and visit me in the underworld?

There is nothing like being confronted by a barely 5 foot tall elderly woman and accosted for your choice of body jewelry while dropping off you 3 year old at preschool. I suppose I should preface this little tidbit of information with some history or background shall we say. Grady goes to a Christian preschool, well with us being Christians and all. What!?! An Irish lass that is not Catholic? Let's just say, I am a recovering Catholic, among other things. I have had my fair share of guilt to last ten lifetimes believe me! Ok, back on track - so Grady goes to a nice all day Christian preschool with amazing teachers, most all well up in their years. They are strict but loving which is exactly what that little demon angel needs.

Well, while dropping off Grady the other day the sweet 70+ year old Mrs. S came to greet him. She always wears ankle length skirts and her silver hair in a bun. She is the epitome of the church lady. "Oh my and how is my Grady today?" When I began to answer how he actually left the house today without a temper tantrum because I told him he could throw water at his teachers, well with it being water day and all, she abruptly stopped me with a look of shock on her face. "Do you have something in your mouth??" "Um, yes. It's a tongue ring... I've had it forever. So I was saying, Grady...." "Did you get it for your..... husband?" **here is where I begin to stutter and blush uncontrollably** "Uh... well...no.. I mean...uh... I had it... but we don't.... yeah no, uh.. I just like it?." "Well now, God did not intend for you to put things in your tongue. He gave you a perfectly beautiful tongue, one not to be defaced." (perfect? I can, if I so choose, pick my nose with my long Gene Simmons like tongue. If this is perfect I am indeed terrified). "Ok then. Well have a great day!!" "I will pray for you and that you remove that... that thing!" (picture now me fleeing for the safety of my car, knocking down the other students in my attempt to regain the little composure I had left).

Now, under different circumstances I really think I would have come back with some sort of sassy quip of sorts. But really, it was 7 in the morning and I had but only one sip of my morning brew. I will also say she is a very nice lady and that Grady is very fond of her. I will also say that I am very liberal but do have the same base beliefs that she does, I just don't feel that I have to wear long shirts and my hair in a bun.

After some thought I did come up with this, "Well, this is just my earthly vessel and we both know it doesn't come with us!". So now I throw this out to you, oh Internet. What would your response have been? Don't be shy and help a lassie out!