Tuesday, September 02, 2008

who will come and visit me in the underworld?

There is nothing like being confronted by a barely 5 foot tall elderly woman and accosted for your choice of body jewelry while dropping off you 3 year old at preschool. I suppose I should preface this little tidbit of information with some history or background shall we say. Grady goes to a Christian preschool, well with us being Christians and all. What!?! An Irish lass that is not Catholic? Let's just say, I am a recovering Catholic, among other things. I have had my fair share of guilt to last ten lifetimes believe me! Ok, back on track - so Grady goes to a nice all day Christian preschool with amazing teachers, most all well up in their years. They are strict but loving which is exactly what that little demon angel needs.

Well, while dropping off Grady the other day the sweet 70+ year old Mrs. S came to greet him. She always wears ankle length skirts and her silver hair in a bun. She is the epitome of the church lady. "Oh my and how is my Grady today?" When I began to answer how he actually left the house today without a temper tantrum because I told him he could throw water at his teachers, well with it being water day and all, she abruptly stopped me with a look of shock on her face. "Do you have something in your mouth??" "Um, yes. It's a tongue ring... I've had it forever. So I was saying, Grady...." "Did you get it for your..... husband?" **here is where I begin to stutter and blush uncontrollably** "Uh... well...no.. I mean...uh... I had it... but we don't.... yeah no, uh.. I just like it?." "Well now, God did not intend for you to put things in your tongue. He gave you a perfectly beautiful tongue, one not to be defaced." (perfect? I can, if I so choose, pick my nose with my long Gene Simmons like tongue. If this is perfect I am indeed terrified). "Ok then. Well have a great day!!" "I will pray for you and that you remove that... that thing!" (picture now me fleeing for the safety of my car, knocking down the other students in my attempt to regain the little composure I had left).

Now, under different circumstances I really think I would have come back with some sort of sassy quip of sorts. But really, it was 7 in the morning and I had but only one sip of my morning brew. I will also say she is a very nice lady and that Grady is very fond of her. I will also say that I am very liberal but do have the same base beliefs that she does, I just don't feel that I have to wear long shirts and my hair in a bun.

After some thought I did come up with this, "Well, this is just my earthly vessel and we both know it doesn't come with us!". So now I throw this out to you, oh Internet. What would your response have been? Don't be shy and help a lassie out!

21 comments:

mama bear bugga said...

well, i'll be right there with you with all of my tattoos that i've chosen to deface my body with. :p

keiki3 said...

could have suggested she try it -- that she just may like it!

BTW, thanks for the support! :)

Mark Salinas said...

Fun stuff! :)

ali said...

I probably would've thanked her profusely for supplying great blog material, lol!

Woodlandmama said...

I would have looked her straight in the face and said, "It's just decoration. What do YOU think it's for?" Thereby shaming her into believing that she's a dirty pervert because she thinks it's for something else.

Spice said...

Oh my! I wouldn't have known what to say - I think I would have stuttered too. She'd love me with the 3 tattoos I have and one of those three on my left pinky finger. :) http://spiceworld.us

Toni said...

haaa haaa! That is a good story! I wouldn't not have been able to say anything. After my armpits stopped sweating long enough for me not to trip, I would have bee lined as well!

Anonymous said...

I would have hit her with : "my... aren’t we judgmental..." and "I really don't think our marital relations are an appropriate conversation topic in front of young children and you really need to ‘pray’ on why you felt the need to comment on such things in front of children, please don’t mention this to me again and the only person you should be discussing with is your confessor”.

well either that or ask if she works ata bait shop on the weekends.. (I'm evil that way)
Skip

Diane said...

Oh boy, I have no idea, I'd probably have fumbled around for some words and prayed she couldn't see any of my tattoos. Yikes, church people scare me.

Kat Olivares said...

I would've stuttered, too, considering the context.

I'd say "ah..e-i... o. u..." then disappear into the mist.

I shut up in front of oldies since you can't really win any discussion/ debate/ argument with them.

I let them be.

But I blog about them.... tee hee

Heidi said...

How about - it goes well with the leather and lace at home that the husband prefers? Amazing. Where do people get the balls to say stuff like that?

cautious1 said...

You crack me up!!! I have NO idea what I would say - I'll have to get back to you on that one. BTW....are we EVER going to get together for a cup o' brew????? Just wonderin'.........

Putz said...

don't take offense but i think your morning brew is worse for you than a ringin your tonque...of course i know you would never quit your coffee, and i am pretty sure since that ring is doing no harma at all, you won't take that out either

Putz said...

i felt quilty giving you a bad time at allll.....i drink coke and that caffeine is worse that your brew....so please don't take offense....remember i voted for you for blogger calender

teri said...

jees, it's just a tongue ring. she needs to calm down. why do people feel that what you do to your body (tattoos, piercings, etc.) will send you straight to hell?

Kaza said...

How about: "And I will pray for you that you remove the stick from your ass. Mind your own beeswax, old beeyotch." Heh-heh. But in truth, I'm sure I would have run for the hills like you did.

Brenda Jean said...

BAHAHAHAHA I would have been just like you with my response. I saw a church sign a couple of weeks ago that said something like "Tattoos prepare the way for the mark of the beast". Hmmmm...paranoid much?

Caroline said...

That is hilarious! First, you need to ask what the heck this 70 yr old woman is doing staring at your tongue? Hmmmmmmm.

BTW, found you through Ann Again...

Great blog.

The Grocer said...

You could have just told her it was for your husband and boy does he love the feel of it...I am guessing she might have interupted by now.

Mary said...

That's a toughie. I'm not religious, and I'm PMSing right now, so I'm sure I wouldn't have handled it well. No, not well at all. You did the right thing. Run, run away.

Mac and Cheese said...

I would have been speechless, not because of the religious affiliation, but because of the very VERY personal question concerning your husband. Unbelievable!