Tuesday, September 30, 2008

do you have a giant?

As any mother, I have plenty of embarrassing stories. But when I read Jen's prompt for today, ONE immediately came to mind.

Between my pre-med background and reading any article available discussing the in depth variety of names for one's genitalia , I decided that we would call a spade a spade. So when Drake asked me where my penis was I told him, "Mommy played with hers too much and it fell off!" Sadly, Hubby was in ear shot and went ballistic. I thought it was quite funny - Hubby did not. So I retracted my "Mommy's fell off" comment and went with the Kindergarten Cop version - "Boys have penises and girls have vaginas."     "YOU have a giant!?"   "No sweetie, Mommy has a vagina."     "Daddy!! Mommy has a GIANT!!!"   Needless to say Hubby stood there snickering away at our son's new found interest with giants.

Fast forward a few months. It is spring and I, *gasp*, was trying to find a swimsuit so I could participate in the obligatory 'Mommy and Me' swim class. So, with my little gem at my side, I grab a handful of suits and headed into the changing room. Then my sweet obnoxiously loud and inquisitive gem begins bombarding me with questions. "Mommy, why do you keep your underwear on? Is that to hide your giant? Mommy, I want to see you giant. Is it still there??" 
Of course I am NOT the only person in the changing room and pretty soon the room is filled with giggles. They have either caught on that 'giant' means vagina or they think I am some tranny that has a giant penis hiding in her underwear. I of course, am mortified, so I grabbed the suits and b-lined out of there before anyone could get a glimpse of my crimson face.

Fast forward another year. I am almost 7 months pregnant and am pushing Drake in the cart at the local Tar-chay. My obnoxious sweet gem has the memory of an elephant! As I was looking at hair products Drake started asking about his new brother.

Drake: Mommy, where is my baby brother coming out?
Me: Well, God made a special place for Mommy's to have babies.
Drake: Ooooh........ Is the baby coming out of your giant?!
Me: Shhhhhh, well, yes....but we don't talk about things like that in a store.
Drake: Ok.

I should have known to never trust the silence of a four year old because as soon as anyone walked passed us, Drake would loudly proclaim, "My baby is coming out of my Mommy's giant." He stated it to EVERYONE. I could not get out of there fast enough.

Looking back it IS quite funny. In the moment - not so much. Now i think of it as good ammo for the future. Plus, it will be a great story to share with his prom date!!


Ann said...

A "giant" huh?
Jack and The Beanstalk takes on a whole new meaning now.

Putz said...

oh i am so glad i read your blog today. i have the best, yes the best blogging people in the owrld....i have 37 wonderful bloggers, 5 of which are my own family, 3 boys, two girls and 32 fiends or friends, i love your sense of humor i am am glad i voted on you for blog calender and not piper and not tiffany and not crooked, but good old irish...love the putz

M said...

A giant is an original name for...gotta love kids! Nice post and thanks for sharing! ;)

Brenda Jean said...

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Now only if our husbands had a "giant",huh?

Autumn's Mom said...

LOL Out of the mouths of babes. Wish you could have stuck with the it fell off story ;) but this made for a great read. Thanks for the laughs (with you).

Spice said...

OMG!!! This is so funny!!! I love little kids and the things they say!!! :) http://spiceworld.us

The Grocer said...

Nice stories Kat, wait till he's sixteen then remind him.

Casey said...

Oh my! That's awesome. I've wondered how we're going to explain the difference to my 21 month old when he finally asks. I'm scared.

Diane said...

I found you via Blarney Stone... glad I did, too, as this made me laugh out loud :). I might have to steal you 'embarrassing moment' post idea... thanks!

Blarney said...

Nice! Most of my 'moments' seem to be focused around telling mine to "knock it off" when they are picking on each other in of course the most crowded situations.

Stop by, I have something for you. ;)

Tara aka "Mama Koala" said...

That is so funny! They do say the darndest things, huh? Thanks for giving me a much needed giggle!

Rachael said...

Hilarious! Oh my gosh... sometimes I wonder why I want mine to start talking.

HappyHourSue said...

OMG- that is hilarious. But really "the baby is coming out of my mom's vagina" would have been much worse. :)