have you seen my little boy?

I have lost my little boy. It happened over night when I least expected it. I guess I can say I saw some of the signs, but deep down I am sure I was really trying to ignore them. I will admit that some of them made me smile - like your new found sense of style. Like the time you made me drive to four different stores in two different states to find that red hat you saw someone wearing that you HAD to have. Every time you wear it you smile and when you tilt it to the side, it makes me smile. A young face trying to be so grown up. Then you tell me yesterday that you don't need to dress up for Halloween - you're past that. What!? You can't be past that, you are only eight! 

Please, stay and revel in your youth. It will go faster then you really want it to anyway. Then you will be doing everything you can to try and get it back. Enjoy your freedoms, for soon they will be a distant memory. Long gone will be your days of skateboarding and bike riding. There won't be time for Army attacks, Storm Trooper wars and sleepovers.  Your chubby cheeks are thinning - giving way to a more pronounced jaw line, the one your father has. I know it will be all too soon that those once chubby cheek will prickle me with stubble and that makes me sad. If only I could freeze time..... but then I know I would miss out on all the joys that come with watching you continue to grow old and mature. And just when I least expect it you surprise me with a glimpse of the little boy of the past. You crawl up on my lap to snuggle. You whisper, "Your the best", and my little boy is back once again - at least for a moment - and in that moment I will stay.

ramblings of a three year old

Grady's world of three has been an completely insane and mind numbing amazing journey so far. Granted, he swings through moods and personlalities faster then Sybil, but when he is in a happy place, he is the funniest kid EVER! Here are some of his latest ramblings.

Me: What did you learn about at school today?
Grady: Dinosaurs!!
Me: (knowing it was 'B' day and he was supposed to learn about Betsy Bee) You did?!? What did you learn?
G: That they eat police officers.
Me: They do?
G: Yep. They rip their heads off and eat them...... I don't think I want to be a police officer when I growed up Momma.


This was his response when we were ghosted the other night by a neighbor. They left us a pumpkin (aka punk man) full of treats.
G: MOM!!! The punk man dinged our dig bell and left me me candy!! Why did he ding my ding bell Mommy??
M: To leave you a special treat.
G: Oooooh. The punk man doesn't like candy Momma?
M: Nope, he is sharing them with you.
G: I don't think the punk man should ding ding bells Mommy. He can scare people.

Hubby: Grady you need to pick up your toys before you can have a snack.

G: Dadda .... you're killin' me!!! (said as he throws his hands in the air)

And my all time favorite he said this morning in the car.
G: Momma! I know what I am going to learn about in school today!
M: What honey?
G: I'm going to learn about chickens and Jesus!!

And this is where he left me speechless!!

do you have a giant?

As any mother, I have plenty of embarrassing stories. But when I read Jen's prompt for today, ONE immediately came to mind.

Between my pre-med background and reading any article available discussing the in depth variety of names for one's genitalia , I decided that we would call a spade a spade. So when Drake asked me where my penis was I told him, "Mommy played with hers too much and it fell off!" Sadly, Hubby was in ear shot and went ballistic. I thought it was quite funny - Hubby did not. So I retracted my "Mommy's fell off" comment and went with the Kindergarten Cop version - "Boys have penises and girls have vaginas."     "YOU have a giant!?"   "No sweetie, Mommy has a vagina."     "Daddy!! Mommy has a GIANT!!!"   Needless to say Hubby stood there snickering away at our son's new found interest with giants.

Fast forward a few months. It is spring and I, *gasp*, was trying to find a swimsuit so I could participate in the obligatory 'Mommy and Me' swim class. So, with my little gem at my side, I grab a handful of suits and headed into the changing room. Then my sweet obnoxiously loud and inquisitive gem begins bombarding me with questions. "Mommy, why do you keep your underwear on? Is that to hide your giant? Mommy, I want to see you giant. Is it still there??" 

Of course I am NOT the only person in the changing room and pretty soon the room is filled with giggles. They have either caught on that 'giant' means vagina or they think I am some tranny that has a giant penis hiding in her underwear. I of course, am mortified, so I grabbed the suits and b-lined out of there before anyone could get a glimpse of my crimson face.

Fast forward another year. I am almost 7 months pregnant and am pushing Drake in the cart at the local Tar-chay. My obnoxious sweet gem has the memory of an elephant! As I was looking at hair products Drake started asking about his new brother.

Drake: Mommy, where is my baby brother coming out?

Me: Well, God made a special place for Mommy's to have babies.

Drake: Ooooh........ Is the baby coming out of your giant?!

Me: Shhhhhh, well, yes....but we don't talk about things like that in a store.

Drake: Ok.

I should have known to never trust the silence of a four year old because as soon as anyone walked passed us, Drake would loudly proclaim, "My baby is coming out of my Mommy's giant." He stated it to EVERYONE. I could not get out of there fast enough.

Looking back it IS quite funny. In the moment - not so much. Now i think of it as good ammo for the future. Plus, it will be a great story to share with his prom date!!

i'm your mother??

"I'm your Mother not your..." is a widely used phrase, at least in our house. My boys have heard the barrage of sayings, including "I'm not your slave, maid, butt wiper, clothes/underwear picker upper, nanny, short order cook, referee" - just to name a few.  But to be totally honest, there are those days where my boys leave me shaking my head and I find myself asking, "I'm your mother??" No sooner then the words leave my lips then I hear my mother's ever looming voice inflicting the age old curse, "I hope you get a child JUST. LIKE. YOU."  Now in hindsight, I am realizing what an evil and mean curse that is!  

The world of boys has often times left me speechless. For example - why must my three year old come and press his cute little hynie up against me and make farting noises? Or pull down the front of his pants and scream "Nudie boy!! Nudie boy!!"  Why do both of my boys use the 'no hands' method when going to the bathroom when I specifically remember teaching them to use their hands? Unless of course they aren't in the bathroom, because then they can't keep their hands off of it! There are days their whining makes my ears bleed and their bickering can make me want to poke myself in the eyes with sharp objects. Then somedays, they surprise me and I am reminded how blessed I am to have tow rambunctious boys to keep me busy and on my toes. And for that I am thankful. Now for Pete's sake will you please pick up your socks! I am NOT the maid!!!

weekend wrap up

Well, nothing like a weekend to remind you of the true meaning of fall in Wisconsin - football, rain, more football and of course... more rain. Drake had his second game of the season on Saturday in a torrential down pour. Like any good mother, I stood, trying to wrangle Grady away from the looming puddles, while watching 20 boys running and tackling each other through sleeting rain. The boys had fun and looked like little mud monsters when they were done. Nothing beats getting tackled in a HUGE mud puddle, and no I am not talking about Grady! I had the good fortune of having my soccer game cancelled on Sunday thus preventing me from a puddle jumping extravaganza. Believe me, there is nothing worse then the smell of soaking wet soccer cleats!!

This weekend also marked a painful loss for the Buckeyes. They obviously did not get the memo about the game on Saturday night. I can't even believe I stayed up to watch most of it. Thinking of the game still pains me. HELLO!! It was suppose to be their time to shine... sigh. No such luck.

Speaking of getting demolished - my childhood house got smooshed this weekend by one of the huge trees in our yard. It makes me so sad to see my old house that way and to think that huge tree is gone. Thankfully no one was hurt but I can't imagine the cost that is going to be involved in trying to fix a century home.

On a happy note, Drake finally got his new glasses. the first pair of glasses made him look like a bug. No seriously, they did. Hubby tried to surprise me by taking Drake to pick them up a few weeks ago. When I walked in the door from work I could not hide my horror. This is what I saw: Scary isn't it?? I feel bad because I think I actually shrieked at the sight of him then had to back peddle because I hurt his feelings. Slap another Bad Mommy Star on the mantle boys and girls! I returned those glasses and out we went to search for new ones. I have not had a chance to snap a picture of his new specs but they are quite dashing. Maybe once he finally pulls out his front tooth that has been loose for months... But that is another story for another day!

photo hunt 124 - wild

Oh yes. THE original wild child. Gotta love a boy who rocks the Rolling Stones Sticky Lil' Fingers shirt while jamming with his head phones. Don't forget his lanyard guaranteeing him back stage access so he can hang with the band. Party on Wayne!

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can i get an 'oh yeah!!'

Oh yes! The day is finally here - the first day of pre-school for Grady. Now, in all honesty, he did start back last week when I started school but 'pre-school' had not started. Yesterday was his official first day of pre-school.
We went out this past weekend to get his supplies which included a new blue folder. He was so excited about that silly folder. We spent Sunday morning decorating it with race car stickers and flames of fire. He was also determined to pick his 'outfit'. Thankfully he chose the same outfit he and Drake wore for their pictures last month but he was sure to add some accessories shall we say? Notice the black head band and mandatory side kick, Doggie.
When we got to school I was a bit taken a back by the door to his classroom. I knew ahead of time who his classroom teacher was but some last minute rearranging changed the classroom assistant. Remember Mrs S??? If you click on the picture and read the sign you will see what I am talking about. Done? Yeah, that's right. She is his new classroom assistant. I am sure she loved the skull and cross bone shorts he wore the first day of school!!! Grady seemed unphased. When I picked him up and asked him how his first day was I got this:
I wonder what she is going to think of my boy always wearing hair accessories???

photo hunt 125 - beautiful

Nothing is more beautiful to this lassie then her two young lads!


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wordless wednesday - little boys and their big toys

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wordless wednesday - can he puleeze sleep with me??

I could not resist the smile and answered 'yes'.

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10 things i’ve learned from my child

Absolutely bananas Has decided to do a Monday writing prompt. Brilliant! Especially since I have been feeling so mentally and physically fried the past few weeks. Today's prompt is to write about ten things you have learned from you children. Only ten?!? This may be tougher then I thought.

1. The seat will always be up, the toilet will never be flushed and there will always be socks or a random pair of underwear on the floor. I haven't been able to change their Dad, I won't be able to change them. I will rack it up to a genetic mutation.

2. Genetic mutation #2 - my boys were born with dirt magnets under their finger nails. Two seconds out of the shower and they look like they have been farming all day.

3. It is more fun to play with Tonka trucks in the sand then maintain a clean and pristine house.

4. Laundry left in the basket will procreate and multiply to epic proportions. Maybe it is better on the floor after all?

5. My heart has room to completely and equally love three different boys for a million different reasons.

6. I can turn into one mean and wicked Momma Tiger when one of my cubs is in trouble.

7. I will eventually go broke trying to feed my endless pits of children. Yes, our pantry will always be empty 2 hours after I go to the store... sigh.

8. I will break my "I don't cry" rule at every parent/ teacher conference, school concert and Science Fair. As they get older I am sure this will also include school dances, sporting events and any other random heart wrenching thing.

9. The traits that I like about me do NOT bode well in a person under 4 feet tall. Especially when they are standing in front of me, hands on their hips and giving me my look right back at me.

10. I would not trade my chaotic, sleep deprived, messy life for anything else in the world!

friday four

I had every intention of doing an amazing post today but of course, never got around to it. I have several ideas rolling around in the caverns of my brain but none have seemed to come to full fruition. So I thought I would just throw out the snipits of the posts I am pondering, mash them all together and serve it up for your consumption. Sorry if it leaves a bad aftertaste or leads to a bad bout of indigestion. I tend to lack in the cooking department.

1. Crabs - No, I don't have them... well actually I do, but as pets. No not on me personally but in a cage. Well, I killed one. Not intentionally you see.... it just.... happened. They (the crabs) were out playing in the sand table and when I ran in to make the boys dinner. When I peeked out the kitchen window to check on them I noticed that one had been abducted. Obvioulsy the guilty party of either a hawk, seagull or other miscilaneous bird, decided it was hungry and was going to feast on some succulent crab legs. Yes, I earned yet another Bad Mommy Star for my trophy case. Go. Me.

2. I really wanted to participate in Mommy Always Wins Friday Flashback about the cars of our past. I was even going to take this opportunity to admit that I have a car problem. Some may call me a car hussy or auto whore but I seriously can't sustain a relationship with a car past three years. After three years the love is gone and I need a new fix. In the 17 years I have been driving I have had 8 different cars. That is a lot of rubber tire rotations!

3. Then there was the discussion today with Grady's pre-school teacher about what a good student he is, how he is always well behaved and that he was such a good helper today. Uh, seriously? I think you have the wrong kid. My kid, aka Spawn of Satan, spits food and runs around chanting "Nudie Boy!! Nudie Boy!! Nudie Boy!!" He screams, cries and whines with such passion he puts the most ill behaved children to shame. Hmmm, maybe my kid just dislikes me and enjoys making me cry and rock in the corner by the end of the day. I think that makes my second Bad Mommy Star of the day. Excellent!

4. I also really wanted to present at BlogHerNot 08 but just couldn't get my act together in time. So I have been taking some of the amazing course offered (in my jammies while consuming ice cream and cheetos) and even stopped by Izzy's for some other distractions and non-BlogHer going fun. All this knowledge is making me dizzy. It could also be the wine consumption but who am I to point fingers!

So there you have it - my non-post (and a definite glimpse into the reasons I was not asked to speak at BlogHer). On a good note, by attending BlogHerNot 08 you could get the chance to sleep with George Clooney or, if you are extra lucky, David Duchovny. Guess I had better shower!

hey you! .... oh, and you too

Dear asshat in seat 4A,

While I am sure that you were just as annoyed as the rest of the flight that we were two hours late taking off, I did not find your comments, nasty looks and attitude necessary. I am well aware that both of my sons are hyper-verbal and suffer from logorrhea. Yes, I live with that fact every day. I am also aware that while they talk, a lot, they can at times get on you nerves. Most days they pummel the crap out of my last nerve till it is almost unrecognizable. You did however crossed the line enlightened me when you turned around and recommended I give them Benedryl to help quiet them down. Yet you scoffed when I told you I already had. Never doubt a desperate mother! If I was not completely exhausted and spent you would have gotten a piece of my mind, but sadly, I had none left to give. I didn’t even have the energy to flip you off appropriately and for that I am sorry. Oh and the ass you kept dropping – SO not cool.

Since I am calling people out, "Hey foreign lady in 6!" No one appreciates a loud talker. NO. ONE. Especially when it is 10 PM and my loud talking angelic children are trying to sleep. I don’t want to hear the graphic details about the surgery for your ingrown toe. I also do want to be privy to all the words you challenge when playing Scrabble with your friends. If you don’t think ‘align’, which you pronounced Ay- lig-n, is a word and challenge the word ‘friend’ because you say ‘fren’, well then you are stupider then you look. And voicing it for the whole plane to hear makes you a moronic imbecile.

And I won't even start about the passenger who left his barn door wide open with his horse in full view. Yeah, after a long day of travel, I definitely did not need to see that!!

happy fourth of july

Another lazy vacation post I am sorry to say. Here are the boys before we headed off to a Fourth of July picnic. Of course, Grady was in rare form. I mean, come on - where else would you put your flag??

end of an era

Today marks the end of the baby era in this lassie's abode. In the last months we have conquered potty training and embraced our big boy skivies with open arms. Plus my wallet is enjoying the extra padding from not having to buy them anymore - can I get an Amen? Yeah, I thought I could. Our next step was the big boy bed. Grady has been sleeping on a mattress on the floor for about a month now. It was time to make it official. So today, after a 7 hour fishing excursion (GRRRR), hubby took the crib down and put the bottom part of the bunk bed together. The crib was officially moved it to the basement. Sigh.... Grady is now there napping peacefully. (in his bed not in the basement!!)

While I am glad to be done, part of me is still sad. There will be no more babies, no more cribs, no more diapers - wait a minute, that is a good point! I am happy with our boys and shudder at the thought of being pregnant again. Wooo, mental flashback. Now I have the cold sweats! I am happy to be at this stage of my life, most of the time. I do know that my desire to have another biological child has passed. Now adoption... that is always an option!! But things in our life need to settle a little more before we possibly voyage down that road. Grady is quite the handful and Drake has just entered the world of sports and games. Our life is busy enough and I think I have enough to try and handle.

So for now I will enjoy my lighter loads when I leave the house, trade in my diaper bag for a cute little purse and offer to hold any little baby that passes in front of my open arms. Because really, is there anything that smells better?

Photo Hunt 115: Water

I thought about the typical summer/ sprinkler photo but opted for de-dirtifying the boys instead - the clean version. I know, I know, bad joke but I'm still working on my first cup of coffee.

monday mayhem

Well, since I have not broached the subject of our dog Barley since my fence-sitting episode, I guess no time is better then the present. We did ultimately decide to put him down. Two bites within two months is a lot and we just couldn’t take the risk of something more serious happening to one of the boys, or worse, someone else. I still don’t have the words to adequately describe my emotions or all that was associated with that decision and that day. It is taking a long time to process and most days I am choosing to not process at all, it just hurts too much. Yes I know, avoiding is not going to make it go away, but at this moment it is making it easier to go on with my day-to-day life. I am also dealing with the aftermath of the decision with the boys. Drake is obviously taking it harder then Grady and there have been a lot of tears shed on an almost daily basis. So what better way to cheer up a sad lad then by offering him another pet to take his mind off his loss?

I will now introduce you to Buddy (Grady’s) and Lightening (Drake’s). We had to go to the dentist this morning to get three of Drake’s cavities filled. Our dentist has an incredible aquarium filled with fish, crabs, shrimp, starfish and hermit crabs. Grady and Drake were fascinated with the hermit crabs so I offered to get them one. Well one turned to two because neither could agree on one and lord forbid they actually share something between them in their lifetime. I mean, hello!? …they can’t even share a room!! So after much deliberation they each painfully picked out their new pets and $50 later we were the new owners of two hermit crabs.
Grady’s Buddy started out in the Superman shell but quickly moved to one of the extra shells I put in their habitat. I will also take this moment to point out that it was more expensive to buy a painted crab then an ordinary crab and that both boys HAD to have a painted crab, (of course they did). Thankfully Grady was not upset with the move and luckily he and Drake got to watch Buddy move from his Superman shell to the new and improved shiny shell. I missed it, because I was at the doctor for a possible hernia from my soccer game yesterday – story to come later, but heard it was quite the sight to see! The new pets have been occupying a lot of their time and attention – so far – and can’t get too hurt by being manhandled by two over anxious boys. I also just read that these crabs can live up to 20 years…yikes! I was looking for a quick fix, not something I was going to have to take care of when I am old and gray. Maybe I should have just settled for a goldfish…. Or two!

photo hunt 114 - emotions

For this lassie, hunger is a serious emotion. Obviously I passed this 'emotion' to my son, who felt so hungry that he needed to gnaw on the nearest tree. Or perhaps he need a HUGE does of fiber.... with that one you can never be too sure. I pity can't wait to meet the person that captures his heart someday - poor soul. Did I mention there is a 'no return' policy on Grady? No...? Well now you know!!

wordless wednesday - end of school picnic with sweaty 8 year old

tagged on a tuesday

The lovely Ann from Ann Again .... And Again had an interesting 'tag' for a post. The idea is to grab the closest book, turn to page 123, find the fifth sentence and then write the next three sentences. Lost yet? Yeah, me too. I had to reread it several times to process the whole thing. Since I am feeling more then brain dead and lacking any gumption to write anything creative and witty - because I am always so creative and witty you know, unless of course you are asking my three year old who thinks I am only funny once a week. With all that being said I am taking her up on the challenge!

The nearest book to me is "The Dangerous Book for Boys" by Hal Iggulden. This chapter of the book is about famous battles, in particular the battle at Somme. The excerpt is from a poem by Laurence Binyon commemorating the slaughter of 19,000 British soldiers and the 60,000 casualties left behind. Kind of heavy for a boys book don't you think? Yikes!!

They went with songs to the battle, they were young. Straight of limb, true of eye steady and aglow. They were staunched to the end against odds uncounted: they fell with their faces to their foe.

If you have an adolescent boy I do recommend the book. It has a lot of interesting facts and things for boys to make like knots and trip wires (always important with a younger brother under foot). Plus it gives you little garnets of truth to take into the world, because really, what boy doesn't need that?!