have you seen my little boy?

I have lost my little boy. It happened over night when I least expected it. I guess I can say I saw some of the signs, but deep down I am sure I was really trying to ignore them. I will admit that some of them made me smile - like your new found sense of style. Like the time you made me drive to four different stores in two different states to find that red hat you saw someone wearing that you HAD to have. Every time you wear it you smile and when you tilt it to the side, it makes me smile. A young face trying to be so grown up. Then you tell me yesterday that you don't need to dress up for Halloween - you're past that. What!? You can't be past that, you are only eight! 

Please, stay and revel in your youth. It will go faster then you really want it to anyway. Then you will be doing everything you can to try and get it back. Enjoy your freedoms, for soon they will be a distant memory. Long gone will be your days of skateboarding and bike riding. There won't be time for Army attacks, Storm Trooper wars and sleepovers.  Your chubby cheeks are thinning - giving way to a more pronounced jaw line, the one your father has. I know it will be all too soon that those once chubby cheek will prickle me with stubble and that makes me sad. If only I could freeze time..... but then I know I would miss out on all the joys that come with watching you continue to grow old and mature. And just when I least expect it you surprise me with a glimpse of the little boy of the past. You crawl up on my lap to snuggle. You whisper, "Your the best", and my little boy is back once again - at least for a moment - and in that moment I will stay.

do you have a giant?

As any mother, I have plenty of embarrassing stories. But when I read Jen's prompt for today, ONE immediately came to mind.

Between my pre-med background and reading any article available discussing the in depth variety of names for one's genitalia , I decided that we would call a spade a spade. So when Drake asked me where my penis was I told him, "Mommy played with hers too much and it fell off!" Sadly, Hubby was in ear shot and went ballistic. I thought it was quite funny - Hubby did not. So I retracted my "Mommy's fell off" comment and went with the Kindergarten Cop version - "Boys have penises and girls have vaginas."     "YOU have a giant!?"   "No sweetie, Mommy has a vagina."     "Daddy!! Mommy has a GIANT!!!"   Needless to say Hubby stood there snickering away at our son's new found interest with giants.

Fast forward a few months. It is spring and I, *gasp*, was trying to find a swimsuit so I could participate in the obligatory 'Mommy and Me' swim class. So, with my little gem at my side, I grab a handful of suits and headed into the changing room. Then my sweet obnoxiously loud and inquisitive gem begins bombarding me with questions. "Mommy, why do you keep your underwear on? Is that to hide your giant? Mommy, I want to see you giant. Is it still there??" 

Of course I am NOT the only person in the changing room and pretty soon the room is filled with giggles. They have either caught on that 'giant' means vagina or they think I am some tranny that has a giant penis hiding in her underwear. I of course, am mortified, so I grabbed the suits and b-lined out of there before anyone could get a glimpse of my crimson face.

Fast forward another year. I am almost 7 months pregnant and am pushing Drake in the cart at the local Tar-chay. My obnoxious sweet gem has the memory of an elephant! As I was looking at hair products Drake started asking about his new brother.

Drake: Mommy, where is my baby brother coming out?

Me: Well, God made a special place for Mommy's to have babies.

Drake: Ooooh........ Is the baby coming out of your giant?!

Me: Shhhhhh, well, yes....but we don't talk about things like that in a store.

Drake: Ok.

I should have known to never trust the silence of a four year old because as soon as anyone walked passed us, Drake would loudly proclaim, "My baby is coming out of my Mommy's giant." He stated it to EVERYONE. I could not get out of there fast enough.

Looking back it IS quite funny. In the moment - not so much. Now i think of it as good ammo for the future. Plus, it will be a great story to share with his prom date!!

i'm your mother??

"I'm your Mother not your..." is a widely used phrase, at least in our house. My boys have heard the barrage of sayings, including "I'm not your slave, maid, butt wiper, clothes/underwear picker upper, nanny, short order cook, referee" - just to name a few.  But to be totally honest, there are those days where my boys leave me shaking my head and I find myself asking, "I'm your mother??" No sooner then the words leave my lips then I hear my mother's ever looming voice inflicting the age old curse, "I hope you get a child JUST. LIKE. YOU."  Now in hindsight, I am realizing what an evil and mean curse that is!  

The world of boys has often times left me speechless. For example - why must my three year old come and press his cute little hynie up against me and make farting noises? Or pull down the front of his pants and scream "Nudie boy!! Nudie boy!!"  Why do both of my boys use the 'no hands' method when going to the bathroom when I specifically remember teaching them to use their hands? Unless of course they aren't in the bathroom, because then they can't keep their hands off of it! There are days their whining makes my ears bleed and their bickering can make me want to poke myself in the eyes with sharp objects. Then somedays, they surprise me and I am reminded how blessed I am to have tow rambunctious boys to keep me busy and on my toes. And for that I am thankful. Now for Pete's sake will you please pick up your socks! I am NOT the maid!!!

back to mom - a new definition of a quite foreign phrase

With the kids back in school you would think this would be the most opportune time to take back some time for me, the mom. I am sad to say that this is so not the case. Back to school also means back to work and even worse, back to schedules. Where is the time for me??? With crazy schedules it always seems as though I am last on the list. Because of that, last winter I packed on 15 pounds. Yikes!! Because all my pants were too tight I was left sporting the oh so not fashionable muffin top. Be afraid, be very afraid. But wait... do you hear that?

Da da dum.... it is hubby to the rescue!! Now I will take this opportunity to mention that I did try to get hubby to pose for a quick picture in tights and a cape but my begging and pleading fell on def ears. Well not actually, but I am trying to keep this PG so I can't get into all the gorey details! So for now, this generic picture of Superman will have to do! When hubby got a new job and started working from home he decided it would be worthwhile to finally join a gym.

Me: Do you promise to watch the kids so I can go too??
Hubby: Yes. I will go on my lunch hour and you can go after work.
Me: So, you won't give me a hard time when I want to go?
Hubby: Nope.
Me: Excellent!! Sign us up!

So hubby signed us up. It went really well for a while. Then of course summer hit, the kids were home and there just didn't always seem to be enough time to do all the stuff I wanted too. I joined the Tweightloss Challenge in hopes to have others, on the same journey, hold me accountable. It has been an amazing experience. I am happy to say that I am eight pounds down with aspirations to loose another six. I have a feeling these last few will be the death of me. Cold weather is creeping in and that means snuggley nights on the couch. The couch also equals snacking. I really love to partake in a snack on the couch while I unwind after a long day. Hubby also snacks on the couch so the temptation is always there... munching next to me. I should also mention that I am going to Cancun in a month and would like must be swim suit ready. So this week I am back on the horse, eating healthy and hitting the gym. With a few set backs here and there I am really trying making an extra effort to take time for me because if Momma isn't happy (and healthy) then nobody is happy!!

How do you take time for yourself? I am always looking for new ideas!

end of an era

Today marks the end of the baby era in this lassie's abode. In the last months we have conquered potty training and embraced our big boy skivies with open arms. Plus my wallet is enjoying the extra padding from not having to buy them anymore - can I get an Amen? Yeah, I thought I could. Our next step was the big boy bed. Grady has been sleeping on a mattress on the floor for about a month now. It was time to make it official. So today, after a 7 hour fishing excursion (GRRRR), hubby took the crib down and put the bottom part of the bunk bed together. The crib was officially moved it to the basement. Sigh.... Grady is now there napping peacefully. (in his bed not in the basement!!)

While I am glad to be done, part of me is still sad. There will be no more babies, no more cribs, no more diapers - wait a minute, that is a good point! I am happy with our boys and shudder at the thought of being pregnant again. Wooo, mental flashback. Now I have the cold sweats! I am happy to be at this stage of my life, most of the time. I do know that my desire to have another biological child has passed. Now adoption... that is always an option!! But things in our life need to settle a little more before we possibly voyage down that road. Grady is quite the handful and Drake has just entered the world of sports and games. Our life is busy enough and I think I have enough to try and handle.

So for now I will enjoy my lighter loads when I leave the house, trade in my diaper bag for a cute little purse and offer to hold any little baby that passes in front of my open arms. Because really, is there anything that smells better?

a new frontier

Grady recently upgraded from a big wheel to a big boy bike. I was a little hesitant at first and was not ready to make the jump. Grady on the other hand was amped and ready to go. He would beg and plead for a bike like his brother...."Pleeeeze Momma? Me bike too?" But he is still so small. What if he falls and gets hurt, what if he goes too fast, what if, what if? All these excuses basically boiled down to me not wanting to letting go - letting him continue to grow up, letting him grow apart from me. Little did I know he would take to this new bike like a bat out of hell. I guess secretly I did know that and that is why I tried to delay this new experience as long as possible. He is the overly athletic and adventurous one, with no fear or boundaries to speak of. So now my days are filled with this view. I chase him along, trying to keep up, as he pedals with all his might up and down the street. I try to remind him to "SLOW DOWN!!" but he rarely listens. Maybe the rushing of the wind blocks out my voice - or not! My only hope is that all this extra running and chasing will have me swimsuit ready by summer. Yeah, that is laughable too!! But a girl can dream right?

a warm fuzzy

Today Drake's Sunday school class had a service day at the Milwaukee Rescue Mission. Drake waved the flyer in my face when he got it at church and really wanted to go. Sounded like a great way to spend a Saturday morning, so we made it a date. Being that he is my sensitive one, I tried to prep him for the types of things he might see on our drive down there and of course, once we got there. Our job was to help with the new family area/room. It is going to be a place were parents can bring their children and spend some quality time with them. There is an arts and crafts center, a book nook, a toddler area and a board game section. I got recruited to paint one of the wall murals as soon as I walked in the door. Drake wanted to paint more than anything but lacks the patience to take his time with a small paint brush. Totally understandable as he is an 8 year old rambunctious boy! So the director gave him the job of opening all the newly donated baby and toddler toys. It was like Christmas, though after about 10 or 12 toys he excitement was quickly dwindling. It was about this time that a four year boy, K, wandered in to see what we were doing. K was amazed by Drake and Drake was enjoying all the extra attention. They decided to draw together and make different monster pictures on a large dry erase board - it made my inner mommy smile. It also made me miss working in the inner city. While I do enjoying working in my little suburbia bubble school, I miss the smiles and joys these kiddos would bring to my heart. On the flip side, I also don't miss the heartache that comes with those smiles, not their heartache - but mine. It is so different now working with the over-involved and high maintenance parents instead of the non-involved and distant parents, if there were even parents at all. I was amazed at how much I ached thinking about working there again, wanting to do my part even though it was and would never be enough. The thoughts of Drake's smiles and his openness to K will remain with me and I hope that this experience instills some of the same passions for children that I have. Knowing Drake it probably did.

two times the lovin

Well some cool divas are entering the world of twos - and not soon enough according to some of them! The idea is to share your knowledge about the joys, and I mean JOYS, of having two - or three or four for that matter. You can check out the all legal schmegal HERE!

I do find it strangely ironic that I am going to spew advice to these kind ladies because most of the time, well, I have no idea of what I am doing - except going insane. I mean, recently there was the whole penis thing or the constant bickering over light sabers and match box cars. But then there are the fun times like playing rock-em sock-em robots and watching the older one teach the younger one how to hit a baseball. These are the moment I relish and try to draw upon when they are fighting over who gets to shut the garage door or eat the last Gogurt.

Going from one to two has also made me realize things about me that aren't pretty. Like my EXTREME lack of patience to whining, screaming and crying - of my own children. Wow! Where did that come from?? Not to toot my own horn - toot toot - but at work I have loads (butt loads to be exact) of patience. I have worked with handicapped and delayed children forever. I help them work through things that are difficult and challenging. I encourage them when they are crying and can tolerate their tears. I can even listen to their whining without batting an eye. BUT when it comes to my two - tolerance is absent most day, heck every day for that matter. So I guess this is where I would interject my world renowned advice - remember all the good and blog about all the bad - it makes for good material and helps the rest of us feel better!!

for the love of pete, someone get me a paxil!

We are now at two days and counting till Grady's surgery and my anxiety is in FULL form. It has taken the form of over eating (ok, nothing REALLY new but if I can blame my big butt on something I will dammit), excessive crabbiness and lots of wine consumption. I guess those last two can fall under the previous side note as well, sigh... what is a lassie to do? This anxiety is invading every aspect of my daily living, so much so that it is now rearing it's ugly head in my dreams. Last night I dreamt I let Drake and his friend M drown in a pool. I already have a phobia of Drake and water because he can't see without his glasses, this just made it ten times worse. The worst part was I had to drag their bodies up from the bottom of the pool that all of a sudden was over flowing with people. I woke up shaking and ready to vomit. I finally googled what they were going to be doing to monster boy during his surgery - can't decide if that made it better or worse. I keep having flashbacks to my surgery and that darn little boy I treat. I know the possibilities of something freakish happening are slim but in the words of my friend Jes, "If it's freaky it happens to me." That is how I feel about Grady. I mean, we have the whole birth thing, then the dinosaur ridge on his head AND we can't forget the feet debacle! So you can see why I am all a tizzy over this simple, do it with your eyes closed surgery. Yeah, I thought so. Did I mention that we don't check in until 10 am and he can't eat after midnight - Gremlins anyone? Then, too add to the joyousness of the occasion, Grady decided to spike a fever tonight - due to yet ANOTHER ear infection. Thankfully they will operate even if he has one cause I don't think I can postpone it. So for now I will continue to sit and fester about the millions of possibilities that could happen and patiently wait for some happy pills in the mail.

self-portrait truthiness at its best

Well I was originally wooed by the idea of a Friday Flashback post when I read about it on 'Mamalogues' and 'Her Bad Mother'. Their first choice was "A song by... that changed you". I pondered it for quite some time and eventually decided against it. All my stories were risqué and things I am just not ready to share with the blog world or truth be told, have my children read someday - yikes!! This week they chose the 'self-portrait of truthiness'. I fell in love with the title and am always one to take a dare. The idea is to post a picture of you first thing in the morning - no make-up, no prep work, NO coffee. Now I was perusing the photos and I highly question many of them, either that or I am one of the scariest morning people alive. Most of these women have nice combed hair, fresh looking faces, heck, some even have smiles. I NEVER look like these women in the morning. My hair looks like the stomping ground for a family of ferrets, three blind mice and a large wild boar. Now I will admit there is not much difference when it is clean and "done" due to the amount of curl and product that goes into the coiffure, but it does look a bit more tame. Because of this I am going against the rules and posting a pre and post picture just to prove that I am not a deranged lunatic in real life and to show you that objects are not as scary as they appear!


Oh yes, this is 5 am at its finest! I am even scared when I look at this picture. Guess if my husband can roll over, see this and not run for the hills he must be a keeper!


So here I am with my hairstyle of the moment. No makeup but my hair is somewhat decent.


Ok, this is a flashback to three years ago. I am glammed up and looking quite cute I must say. This is pre-Grady so the bags under my eyes are not as defined as they are now. I also have a lot less, shall we call them laugh lines?


And then there is the long haired version of me. I loved it this length but simply for the reason that I never wore it down - it was always pulled back. I could throw on a hat or throw it in a pony and go. I like my short hair but it does take more time and effort.

Be sure to check out these other brave women as well:
www.mamalogues.com
www.izzymom.com
www.othejoys.blogspot.com
www.badladies.blogspot.com

As a side note - I can't do the fancy little "do dad" to link you to other blogs on my apple lap top. I have tried and tried with no success so take the web address as they are. Any help in this area would be greatly appreciated.

So now I post the same dare to you - show the world the real you first thing in the morning. Be sure to link it back to me and the others involved and we can fill the blog world with an overabundance of beauty.