Tuesday, April 29, 2008

for the love of pete, someone get me a paxil!

We are now at two days and counting till Grady's surgery and my anxiety is in FULL form. It has taken the form of over eating (ok, nothing REALLY new but if I can blame my big butt on something I will dammit), excessive crabbiness and lots of wine consumption. I guess those last two can fall under the previous side note as well, sigh... what is a lassie to do? This anxiety is invading every aspect of my daily living, so much so that it is now rearing it's ugly head in my dreams. Last night I dreamt I let Drake and his friend M drown in a pool. I already have a phobia of Drake and water because he can't see without his glasses, this just made it ten times worse. The worst part was I had to drag their bodies up from the bottom of the pool that all of a sudden was over flowing with people. I woke up shaking and ready to vomit. I finally googled what they were going to be doing to monster boy during his surgery - can't decide if that made it better or worse. I keep having flashbacks to my surgery and that darn little boy I treat. I know the possibilities of something freakish happening are slim but in the words of my friend Jes, "If it's freaky it happens to me." That is how I feel about Grady. I mean, we have the whole birth thing, then the dinosaur ridge on his head AND we can't forget the feet debacle! So you can see why I am all a tizzy over this simple, do it with your eyes closed surgery. Yeah, I thought so. Did I mention that we don't check in until 10 am and he can't eat after midnight - Gremlins anyone? Then, too add to the joyousness of the occasion, Grady decided to spike a fever tonight - due to yet ANOTHER ear infection. Thankfully they will operate even if he has one cause I don't think I can postpone it. So for now I will continue to sit and fester about the millions of possibilities that could happen and patiently wait for some happy pills in the mail.


cautious1 said...

Let me know if there's anything I can do to help (other than hook you up with the Paxil....). I feel bad that you are so stressed out :(

JCR said...

My eyes have tears in them because I know what you must be going through, and I wish you didn't have to. I'll be thinking about you until the surgery is over. I hope everything goes well!!!

Many years ago I had an MRI, and my doctor prescribed me ONE valium to get through it. I also had a dentist who one time prescribed just four. Maybe your doc could give you a mini prescription for something?

Jes said...

Leave to to JCR to go with the valium :) It will be over before you know it. I am proud of you for I know this is not easy. Perhaps you will need a Get Well Soon package too :)

Christie said...

I'll be thinking of you -- on a side note, does it help at all to know that that is pretty much how I feel when I think about sending the boys to school? Honest.

Good luck tomorrow!