Friday, April 18, 2008

friday flashback - dirty little secret

Friday Flashback prompt this week: What memory/story from your youth (or childhood) - if any - would you never share with your own children? Why? And if there's nothing from your history that you wouldn't have them know, why is that? (Note, as always, that you can play around with this - is there some story that you want them to know, but only when they're much older? Something you'll only share when/if they ask?)

Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive. This quote is the first thing that popped in my head when I read the Friday Flashback prompt for this week. Sadly, I feel, the possibilities are endless. There are so many things I would not like my children to know, but each one for different reasons. Maybe it is because of their youth right now that I want to remain a star in their eyes. A wonderful mother and role model that they can look up to - yeah I know I am sooo dreaming here. I have my plethora of bad mommy stars proudly displayed in a well lit trophy case as proof that this is an extremely large pipe dream.

There are many things from my past that I am not proud of - many mistakes made - many, MANY stupid mistakes. But all of those stumbles and mistakes have made me who I am today. It has been a long and trying road, but God has continually been good to me, and for that I am grateful. I am especially grateful because not once, but twice as a teen I tried to quickly end the pain of my youth. Obviously, I failed both times, but the scar from the first one remains as a reminder. It goes unnoticed by many in my day to day activities, but it will catch my eye from time to time. Days like today, Drake's birthday, make me take a second glance. What if.....? I would have missed out on all the wonderful things my boys have to offer me. And as much as I write about the follies of my attempts at parenting and their attempts at driving me crazy, I love them like no other. This occurrence in my life is one that I do not want to share with them and hope, that as a mother, I am never faced with.

As always, check out the other lovely divas participating in this weeks FF - Mamalogues, Her Bad Mother, Mrs. Flinger. And of course, because I still can't figure out how to auto link them with my Mac, you can find their links in my blogroll for your viewing pleasure!

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