slightly shocking

Now, I am not one to brag ad nauseum about their children or boast about every feat they accomplish but I have to say the news I received last night was exciting and slightly shocking. But my excitement is overriding my good moral judgment and I have to share - Drake got picked to be the quarterback of his tackle football team. Now to many parents this is probably a normal occurrence and not that big of deal. To others, they use it as a way to redefine themselves by living through their children. For me, well, I guess I am still trying to grasp the concept.

If you know or have ever met my seven year old you will know exactly where I am coming from. He is motorically challenged. He is the brain not the brawn. His gross motor skills are lacking and sometimes painful to watch. And I am totally fine with that and love him for everything that he is. He also is blind as a bat and has no depth perception (thus the ever changing cool specs!) But last year his Dad told him he could play tackle football, without consulting me I might add. WHAT?! Are you crazy? Have you seen our son in sports?? Ironically he was pretty good for a 6 year old. He caused 4 fumbles and sacked the quarterback of the other teams three times during his season. We were all shocked…he was totally stoked. As long as he didn’t have to catch a ball he was fine. Guess it is pretty easy to see large moving targets in front of you J

So that brings us to this fall. Drake loves Brett Farve and has been practicing throwing the ball most of the summer. How his little arm can throw so hard, with a darn good spiral, I haven’t a clue. The past two weeks at practice the boys have been trying out for positions. I was trying to prep him that he may not get the position he wanted. He was OK with that and said he also wanted to be a lineman. Well, last night they got their assignments and he gets to QB. The smile on his face brought tears to my eyes, and his too. I am glad he is so happy and has accomplished something he really wanted. I am also perfectly happy knowing he will probably never be a Brett Farve. But if he is, I will still love him all the same!

why men aren't moms

In an attempt to ease the pain of shopping with a toddler, my husband offered to stay home while I went to the grocery store. Now, while this sounds great, he also required a bit of prodding as I was going after I dropped the older one off at football at 6:30. This is much to close to the two year olds bedtime and during the prime witching hour. We both agreed it was too risky to attempt and the thought of the possible ugliness within the store won. So, with that being said, my husband was then in charge of putting the two year old to bed. The same two year old that will not keep his diaper on and must be wrapped and wrapped in duct tape. I was no more then three steps in the door when the previously mentioned husband stopped me and warned me I was going to be mad. THAT, is a loaded statement with endless possibilities. He then informed me he did not have the heart to put duct tape in our son's diaper. He said Grady was screaming "No tape!!" and "Sorry Daddy!" while stroking my husband's cheek (this is how Grady would say he was sorry before he could talk thanks to my friend Jen) My husband also insisted that Grady promised "at least ten times" that he would not take his diaper off. Only a man would believe the promises of a two year old.... sigh. So when I went to check on him, lo and behold, he was sans diaper. He also burst into tears as I picked him up along with a diaper and duct tape. I, as a mother, obviously have no heart. He did eventually fall asleep and the diaper stayed on!! Sadly, I have a soccer game tonight, which means Daddy is in charge of putting the kids to bed again. Hopefully he is not jaded twice.

stylin' at seven?

This is the interaction that occurred as my seven year old was getting ready this morning. I am fearful that this is a glimpse of what the new school year may have in store for me and scared that this is becoming an issue already. Where did my sweet boy who let me dress him go??
K-Drake, come here and let me fix your shorts.
D - Why?
K- Cause they don't look right (I straighten them and pull them up to where , if he had one and wasn't such a bean pole, his waist would be)
D - Mom! I don't want them there.
K - Why?
D - Because that's where Grandpas wear their pants. I look older if I wear them lower AND its cool.

And so it begins......

stinky boy

As we were about to leave for church this morning, the unfortunately oh so familiar smell of Grady's diaper wafted past my nose. I quickly scooped him up and told him he was stinky and needed his diaper changed. He tried to insist he was not stinky but his smell preceded him. I tried telling him that the other children would not want to play with a stinky boy. And his response still cracks me up.
K - Grady, I need to change your diaper
G - No diaper Momma
K - Yes diaper. No one wants to play with a boy who is sooo stinky. You don't want to be the stinky boy do you?
G - I wanna be stinky boy Momma! No friends!

With this I burst into hysterical laughter and changed his diaper because he found himself just as funny. Again, just another reason I oh so love my boys!

something to ponder

Tape this to your bathroom mirror where you can read it every day. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.

1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. You are special and unique.
8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
10. When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look.
11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.

And if that doesn't perk your spirits, well it's nothing a good stiff drink won't fix and then read it again!

foiled again!

Alright, I am now officially out of ideas. I went to check in on my little angel of a two year old last night only to find him in his chubby little birthday suit!! This is even after I duct taped his diaper on and put tight pajama pants on. I think I either have a Houdini in the making or a nudist colony president. Any ideas? In my weak attempt I did only put the tape on so it cover 3/4 of the diaper. I guess I can try and wrap it around a few times like some of the people of the web mentioned they did, but that sounds a bit extreme and mean. I can't imagine coming at him with huge scissors every morning to try and pry it off but I guess desperate times are calling for desperate measures. I am open to any other thoughts or ideas you may know or have heard of. Luckily he has not done any Houdini magic at the sitters this week. We shall have to wait and see what pre-school in a few weeks has in store. The thoughts are already haunting me!!!

belly boys

As the days of summer are quickly dwindling, so are the days of bare bellies. Don't worry, I am talking about the boys, not mine. Drake has a tummy I would die for and Grady has the tummy I have. Sadly, it is not as cute on me as it is on him. His big round belly pops out of most shirts so I have get him 3T instead of 2T. Plus he loves showing off his belly button to anyone who will look. This is another thing I will not do, especially since mine has been badly misshapen by my two pregnacies. Now Drake..... if I could get him to wear a shirt it is a good day. But, if I had that stomach I too would not be wearing shirts. I bet John would love that! School is right around the corner and so are the warm wears of fall and winter. So for these last few days I will enjoy my belly boys!

it's a girl!!!!!

I would like to welcome and present the newest member of the family klan - Melanie! Finally some estrogen around here.....it has been LONG over due. She is, as you can see, a beautiful addition to our family and I wish her and my brother all the love and happiness that wedded bliss can bring. I will save the sad truths and realities for another time. They did just get married, don't want to scare her away already! Though she is stronger then I initially expected. Melanie has heard the horror stories of the obnoxiously large and over baked babies we produce and she still married my brother. God bless her and cute little frame!! guess maybe one of those over baked babies is somewhere in the future, but hopefully not too far. Can you imagine the gorgeous chitlins they are going to produce?? Bring on the babies!

neurotic issues

Well I am back at school and feeling very overwhelmed. Now most of it is probably my fault, as I have a strict "no school in summer" rule but I don't think teachers should be in their rooms all summer. Hey, it is my rule and I am sticking by it!! Anyway, the past two days have been filled with unpacking, cleaning and of course...organizing. As I was looking around my room and making my list of labels to put on all the doors I began to feel a bit self conscious about my extreme OCD tendencies. (No comments from you Beth!!) Now this does not carry over into all aspects of my life, at least not anymore, as anyone who has "just stopped by" can attest to. But there are certain areas that I still hold rigid, one place being my office at work. After adjusting and repositioning my bulletin boards a zillion times they are all finally perfect. I even added some Women's Cup posters, not very therapyish but again, it works for me. (and John won't let me hang them at home) Now I just have to wait for my labels to be laminated and I will almost be ready to officially start working....at least organizationally!

friday night casino lights

After a traditional visit to Irish fest on Friday night my husband thought it would be fun to surprise me with our next stop before meeting friends for drinks. I was taken aback when he pulled into the local, and only, casino. I had not been since college and even then it was only to play midnight bingo. They had remodeled and expanded since I had been there and are in the process of expanding again. I am not a gambler by any means and find no joy in slots or tables but thought I would give it a try. We walked in to one of the scariest places on earth, at least what I could see through the intense clouds of smoke. It was Friday, which means payday, so people were pushing to get at he slot machines. A vast majority of these people looked as if they should not be putting any of their money into these machines, but who am I to judge? Between the smell of months of stale smoke, body order and whatever the restaurant was serving, I was quickly sent into sensory overload. We found an empty nickel slot and played our ten dollars. I think we lasted a whole ten minutes before we blew through it. We did win some back but of course, quickly clicked it away. I can guarantee I will never be back but at least now I can say I tried!

sticky issues

Well, we are on night 2 of the duct tape and it is not going well. Grady discovered that the tape was impeding his ability to take his diaper off and became quite upset. He spent 30 minutes screaming "NO tape Momma!! No tape diaper!" When I tried to calm him down and explain why he had the tape on he got quiet and said,"Sorry Momma, tape off now?". My answer of "no" induced another tirade. Eventually he cried himself to sleep. But on a good note, the diaper was on this morning and I do not have extra laundry to do before nap time....excellent!

musings of a seven year old

The scene - Drake and I are sitting on the side of the pool and Grady is trying to splash us. Another little boy is swimming with his Dad. The little boy keeps asking question after question about the pool, Grady, etc. Finally Drake gets perturbed.
D - Mom, that boys asks WAY too many questions.
M - Really? Why?
D - Because he keeps asking and asking and isn't stopping!
M - Hmmm, isn't that what you do? You ask a lot of questions too you know.
D - Well, yeah but I ask GOOD questions, that's the difference.

back to the grind

Today was our official "back to school, end of summer" party for work. Since it was a pool party I decided to leave the kids at home so I could enjoy adult conversation and beverages without constant interruptions. It was nice to see everyone from work and catch up on their summers. But it also made me sad...where did summer go? My "To Do" list is still unfinished, there is still a lot of warm sunlight to enjoy and well, quite frankly, I do not look forward to getting up at 5am everyday. I know I am spoiled with my work schedule but be that as it may the early wake up for my commute does get old some days. So now the final countdown has arrived and I guess I must take it in stride. Only 180 school days till next summer!!

pregnant and the revenge of bad karma

OK, since I am sure I got your attention with that title, let me be the first to say that I am not pregnant, though that would be bad Karma! I want to give a little shout out to my BFF Ann in NH and her new belly inhabitant. YEAH!! I get to be an auntie again! While I still question the possibility of her first son, who turned one this past weekend, being a love child product of her and my husband, I am very excited she is finally out in the open with her new bundle. I will post a picture of her beautiful one year old later and ask for your vote. My BFF is Greek, dark eyes, hair and skin, and her husband is Italian, dark eyes and hair but light skinned. Their "supposed" son has the bluest eyes I have ever seen, except on my husband. I am OK with it as long as she doesn't seek child support... ha ha ha

Now to my bad karma. I tried the duct tape to keep my son's diaper secure and it worked...till about 3am. This is when I heard, "Momma!!! Momma your bed!!" When I stumbled into his room the first thing I smelled was urine. NO WAY I thought. There is no way he got that diaper off. Well he didn't but he did wet through his diaper, his t-shirt, his shorts and all his bedding. Curse you diaper God's!! So as I am trying to get him cleaned and changed in the dark, I can't get his soaking wet diaper off. More cursing. Finally he is in a dry diaper and clean but he is very much awake by this point. Needless to say he finally settled down and went back to sleep around 5am. Java is a very good friend of mine today. Have a sitter tonight so I can't ask her to duct tape him. maybe I can slip it on while he is asleep when I get home....or I can take my chances and wish for the best!

no more miss nice mommy

OK, after this morning all bets are off. I am done trying to be the "good PC mommy". Tonight I am whipping out the duct tape. Now, if you have been keeping up with my mad blogging you will remember that Grady likes to take off his diaper. Last week he tried to tinkle on the cat. After a lot of online research I found many parents share this dilemma and have resorted to duct taping the diapers on at night to prevent their little ones from taking them off. At first I thought...YES!!...then when I was about to try it I felt bad and chickened out. I have been using a tighter pair of zippered jean shorts that he can't wiggle out of. Well those were in the wash last night so my husband put him to bed in elastic band jammie pants. (side note: I was not home, due to a soccer game, to put him to bed or this incident would not have happened) So this morning I hear him calling and walk into a puddle on his floor. He was smart enough to aim outside the crib so I didn't have more laundry to do but did leave me quite the mess to clean on the floor. The thing that irks me the most is how proud he is of himself for the previously mentioned incident. "Look Momma...I pee!!" Said with the biggest smile imaginable. Roaaarrrr! I tell him he was naughty and he needs to keep his diaper on. "But Momma, I pee!" With this I give up. Obviously he thinks his body's inner workings are brand new. Sad, sad how disillusioned he is. So tonight he will be duct taped...unless I wimp out again.

workin' at the car wash

As I was trying to wash my car, a "helper" quickly appeared. While this worked for a short time while I was soaping and rinsing the car, it quickly took a turn for the worse. Grady got stuck in the "soaping up" cycle. As soon as I would rinse and dry my car, he was back with a sudsy sponge washing all the clean and dry areas. I did not want to wash my car three hundred times so I finally decided to provide him with his own car to wash.

This was quite the hit. He had a blast spraying, scrubbing and drying his own coupe plus it was pretty nasty and was in desperate of a good bath! It even provided us enough time to pack up all of our camping gear and our two tents that were airing out in the garage from our camping trip last weekend. I will have to store this tid bit of information for a later time when I can't think of anything to occupy him while I try and get stuff done outside. now, if I can just get him to pull weeds we would be golden!

new mistress?

I had the luxury and intense pleasure of driving this car today. It is a Porsche Carrera 4S and it is heaven on earth. John wished it was his new mistress/ girlfriend but unfortunately he is still stuck with me. Now, I will admit that I was terrified driving this car as it was my friends, it was not even a day old and it cost more than my college and Masters tuition put together...and I went to a private girls college!! But once I got past the initial fear and revved the engine, she was divine. She was such a pretty color of red and went really, REALLY fast. Not that I would know.... just what I have been told ;) But on the other hand I am glad I don't have that car because it would get me into a LOT of trouble and I can guarantee I would accumulate a lot of tickets!!

set your timers

Feeling pressured by my friend Jes who decided to clean her house yesterday, and the fact that I have a babysitter coming tonight, I too opted to scrub down my house. It has gotten pretty nasty with the long days of summer, kids in and out of the house, and well...just plain laziness on my end. And since it is summer, it is my sole responsibility to clean and care for the house since I am off for summer break. I have been disputing this role for years but my husband refuses to step up to the plate in the summer months, even if I let the house go. So I snapped on my rubber gloves and started scrubbing. Ewww is the first word that comes to mind. I even scrubbed the doors throughout the house. Now the fun begins!! How long with the cleanliness last? This is another reason I shy away from always cleaning. My tornado like two year old brings things out faster then I can put them away and my seven year old's meal end up more on the floor then in his mouth. (maybe this is why he is always sooo hungry??) But today it was me that made the first mess. While opening a new container of Nesquick, I was ripping the protective foil wrapper away when....yes that is right...dry chocolate milk mix flew all over the counter and newly washed floor. CURSES!!! Why oh why?! Grrrrrrr, and it was my own fault, no one to blame but me. Hmmmm, well the timer said exactly 4 minutes and 52 seconds. A new record for this house. Maybe next time I decide to clean we will make the five minute mark!

diaper ban

I have decided I am banning Pampers diapers from my house. I don't know what marketing guru thought it was such a great idea to put the different Sesame characters on each of the diapers. Do they not have 2 year olds?? Grady can tell the difference between the characters and is picky about "who" he wears. I just spent the last 20 minutes convincing him that it was OK to wear Ernie. All the while he is screaming at the top of his lungs, "NO Ernie!!!! NOO Ernie!!" What is wrong with Ernie? He is actually one of my favorites. And I won't even get started about what happens if he sees Big Bird coming at him... that is just plain ugly. And his diaper of choice you query?? Why Elmo of course and sometimes cookie monster, but only if I sing the "C is for Cookie" song. I have been seriously contemplating the whole potty training thing, due to the constant diaper battles and the fact that he takes his off any chance he gets. But I don't think he is ready. Granted when I say that the underlying theme is I am not ready. I have in my mind that he will take forever to train and don't feel like investing the rest of my summer trying to show him how great the potty is. Though he has gone on the potty three times in the past two days, excluding the cat incident, but that is just because he was copying Drake and John. Guess it is a start though.... just not ready to grab that bull by the horns just quite yet.

can we please keep our diaper on?!

Scene one: Me, sitting at the kitchen table checking my email. Boys supposedly brushing teeth upstairs. A faint voice says, "Momma...I pee".
"What Grady?"
A little louder now, "Momma.... I pee kitty!!"
"Oh for the love of Pete!!"
I quickly get up and run into the front entry way. Sure enough, there stands my two year old in all his naked glory, trying to pee over the balcony on the sleeping cat below. What on earth is this child thinking? What possesses him to do this to his lovable and faithful pet?? What have I done to deserve this demonic seed??

Scene two: I am doing the dishes while the boys are playing upstairs, somewhat quietly. Suddenly a seven year old boy bellows:
"Mom!!! Grady is taking off his diaper again!!!"
"Grrrrrrr!.....Ok, I am coming!"
"Mom!! You had better hurry!!"
"WHY!?"
"He just pooped on the floor!"
At this point I am ready to fling open the front door and run for the hills. Is this truly my life and if so why is it happening to me?!? All my bad teenage year's karma is coming back to haunt me and bite me in the butt. I shudder to think of what HIS teenage years will hold. It reminds me of a story that my husband shared with me...scary actually. I am sure he would just LOVE it if I shared...or not, but I am going to anyway. So, he had come home one night in high school a wee bit inebriated. He quickly fell asleep, some others may call it passing out, and awoke a while later needing to use the bathroom. He thought he entered the bathroom but in fact, he entered his closet. You can easily finish the story. Glad I didn't have to do his laundry then!!

yet another new activity for me

I have found another new activity for me to partake in. I saw this t-shirt and instantly fell in love. Now, as most of you may or may not know, I am not limber by any means. I can't even touch my toes! I have tried yoga in the past to increase my flexibility, but it was to no avail. So when I saw that you could mix drinking and yoga.... well now, there is a sport for an irish lass! Though I don't think adding libations will increase my flexibility it will definitely make it a little more fun to participate in. Bring on the Namaste!

fiberous camping

Well, we survived our family camping trip to the dunes. The boys had a blast and enjoyed all that nature had to offer. They really enjoyed playing in the sand at the beach and jumping in the waves of the lake. While Drake was riding the waves Grady was jumping head first into them. I tried showing him how to body surf but he wanted nothing to do with it. He wanted to crash, head first, into the oncoming waves. Sigh.... do I really expect anything less? John and Drake tried to build a magnificent sand castle, Drake's words not mine, but that was quickly met with cries of fury and sadness as "the crasher" joined the scene. The crasher, aka Grady, was very happy to catapult himself forward and land belly first on anything that looked like a sand castle. This had to be strictly monitored, as there were many others on the beach trying to build sand castles. He got the smile and then went running. Luckily the sand slowed him down a bit and I could catch him before he got to anyone else’s sand formations!

We also got to experience "Grady the tree eater". This is not to be confused with a tree lover or the infamous tree hugger. No, Grady was definitely a tree eater. As we were trying to prepare dinner on Saturday evening Drake came running to inform us of the situation at hand. "Mom!!! Grady is eating the trees!" "He's what?" "He is eating the trees!" As I left to follow, sure enough, there was Grady taking a bite out of a tree. Obviously I have to get this boy more fiber!! When I told him "no" he quickly ran to the next tree and inflicted his vicious bite upon its definitely unclean bark. (as a side note, I was really struggling with what he was actually eating and tried not to freak out while camping with others in nature) I am still not sure what prompted this vampire like attack on the trees. He definitely did not see any of us doing it. The things that pop into this boy’s head... some days it really frightens me. What will pop in there next?!? We were rained out and headed home a bit early. I say rained out but what I really mean is that from Saturday night at 10pm till, well all morning Sunday, we experienced torrential rain and lightening. Not a calming feeling in a tent, with metal, under trees, and seeing lightening flying left and right. Due to the "negative" attitude of a certain adult who had to pack up the car during the previously mentioned down pour, I have no pictures of this event. I tried but the death glare sent the camera quickly back into it's case. Bummer.....

flying twig

Drake - Mom! Mom come here! Hurry!!!
M - What?
D - Look Mom... a flying twig!
M - A what??
D - Right there... a flying twig!!
M - (chuckle) Drake, that is a grasshopper.
D - No, look. It looks like a twig and then it flies.
M - Yes, it does look like a twig. That is how it camoflages itself from predators. But it IS a grasshopper.
D - (saddened by the news) Oh.... I was hoping it was a twig.

Yet another reason why I love my boys!

voyage to the dunes

Well, we are off to the Indiana Dunes for a weekend of hiking and camping fun. Truth be told, I am a bit leery of hauling Grady camping. I am making John bring the pack and play so he will be confined when he is sleeping, or at least supposed to be sleeping. I am also hoping he will be completely exhausted everyday from playing on the beach and swimming. Hey, a girl can hope can't she? Be on the look out either Sunday night (pushing it) or Monday for the vacation review and pictures. Till then, have a great weekend!

strawberry bandit

As I peruse the fridge for something sweet to munch on I find a new carton of fresh strawberries. Oooooo, that will hit the spot. In fact, I will slice them and add them to the top of a scoop of ice cream! Hey, it's 90+ degrees; a girl needs her ice cream. When I open the carton I notice that all the strawberries have bites taken out of them. Hmmmm...... who could have done this? We must have a strawberry bandit in the house because I can't fathom why any of my beloved children would do this. Oh wait, what am I thinking?!? Of course my two year old would. Silly, silly girl. When confronted I got "the smile" and "I eat stawberry Momma". I asked him why he put them back in the container after taking only one bite out of them and he gleefully replied, "I eat stawberry Momma!" Well, guess that solves my ever-pressing mystery. Now bring on that ice cream!

soccer woes

Now I typically don't blog about soccer, at least not that much. But after my last two games I feel compelled to vent. It has come to my attention that some people forget the rules of soccer or that soccer is a contact sport. When I play soccer I am not super sweet Sally baking you cookies and offering up lemonade. I am there to play the game and play hard. Milwaukee soccer has turned into complaining and whining soccer and it is driving me MAD!!! This actually happened at my game Sunday. Two girls were going for the ball and both got a foot on it but our team won the possession. The other girl started complaining to the ref that he should have called a foul and our player should have apologized for bumping her. WHAT!?! Are you freakin' insane? You don't apologize for taking possession, that is the purpose of the game. Then, last night I played the most verbally annoying and complaining team ever. They complained about everything...they wanted us to get a yellow card for screaming "I got it!!!" to a high sailing goal kick. When I told the girl she was crazy she said "No, it's a rule". I will be researching that because I have never heard that rule before in my life. Then an opponent and I were both going up to head a ball, me being taller, won. She then proceeded to fake fall and yell at me that I injured her kidney. Last I checked my kidney is in my lower back region (and i was a pre-med major) and not in my head. Though if hers was there, it explains all her pissing and moaning about any little contact I made with her. I finally switched sides of the field because I was about ready to deck her just to get her to stop talking. The guy I switched with was not happy because she was then verbally assaulting him. Sorry Nik! If the team we played last night wasn't throttling us I would have allowed for a little bit of back talk but when you are up by 5 points, shut your hole and play the game. Ok, I am feeling better. I am really not a ranting maniac.... at least most of the time.