Since this is the second (and last) time around for both of us, we each came into the marriage with baggage. Mine was emotional and his... well we don't talk about his baggage on this blog. Though I will point out he was nice enough to bring a television, lawn mower and Bow Flex-like machine into the relationship. Yep. He travels light. Through the past 11 years there have been a lot of good times. There have also been some dark, dark times. I grew up in a house where my parents didn't fight or argue in front of us. Whoa momma, that was an eye opener!! I had to learn that it was Ok to 'fight' with you spouse and that every fight wouldn't lead to divorce court. By the way, I have this mastered by now, thanks for asking. He had to learn that I was a yeller by nature. Sometimes I just yell. It isn't directed at him all the time, but when I get fired up about something so does my voice. He now knows what it is like to have a sassy red head as his wife!
We, as a couple, are very similar. So much so that you wouldn't think we would mesh the way we do. Don't worry!! We have our opposites too. There is a strict 'no politics conversations' in our marriage bi-laws. Though every now and then he tries to dabble and of course, fires me up. (insert yelling here)
I can easily say that hubby is my best friend. This helps me tolerate his inability to put anything directly in the hamper and helps him deal with my inability to rinse out dishes. We both love the ocean and feel completely calm and centered with one whiff of salt water. I love his surfer/ skater bad side and he loves me for my inner Betty. We can finish each others thoughts and have often texted or IM'd the same things to each other at the same moment. We also have this weird habit of taking self portraits of ourselves while we are on vacation. They often involve alcohol so they are usually silly, off centered or out of focus. They also always make us look like we have three chins! But every time we look back at our photos they make us laugh and remember the amazing time we had.
So to my hubby, thanks for being you. I look forward to growing old with you and whacking you with my cane.
***WARNING****
The following post may contain information deemed TMI by many. Proceed with caution.
As I have stated many times before, my house is a revolving door of chaos. It is one of the few things that everyone pitches in and participates. On Sunday, hubby, who must have been feeling left out of the circle of chaos, decided it would be fun to visit the ER and give me a full blown panic attack. It started out as a typical summer Sunday - morning coffee, read the paper, boys fighting playing, laundry swishing. I decided to take Drake to the skate park to practice his ollies while hubby stayed back with Grady and his motorized Harley. When we return I notice hubby walking a bit strange. "Hitting the juice already honey?" He then rudely informed me that he was in pain and was trying to 'walk it off'. Yeah your walking something off buddy I'm sure!
So off I went to make lunch and get all the stuff ready to take to the pool. While eating, hubby said he felt better and was going to try and fix the lawnmower while I took the boys to the pool. (how I always get stuck taking them to the pool by myself is yet another mystery) I come home two hours later and I am in the process of putting Grady down for his nap when I hear moaning from our bedroom. I walk in to find hubby sprawled on the bed, pale and with the look of death on his face. "Uhhhh, are you Ok? You look a little pale..... WHERE are your pants?!?" "I can't walk. I think my brother is trying to steal my balls since he doesn't have any. Really Kat, it feels like someone is trying to rip my nut off." "Ummmm, Ok.... let me consult Dr. Google. I think you should go to the doctor." "And say WHAT... my ball hurts!!?" Obviously his condition was not effecting his testosterone. Geez!"
As I began my consultation with Dr. Google things did not look good. "Good news honey... it's not cancer! Says here that cancer is painless. Do you have any lumps? It says I should check for lumps." "Dude, you touch my sack and I am going to hurt you." (again, testosterone in full check) "Well it says if you have sudden and severe tecticular pain that you should rush to the doctor. You only have a 5-6 hour window before things can get real ugly." "What is real ugly?" "Well Dr. Google is using the word fatal but he may be exaggerating a wee bit. I still think we should go to the Urgent Care.
After much convincing hubby and I finally head to the local Urgent Care. "Here you write down my symptoms. I don't know what to write." "How about pain and swelling in right testicle???" Duhhh. "I can't write that!!" Sigh.... "Fine!! Give me the paper!" I scrawl out his symptoms and hand it back to the nurse. "What did you write??" "Um that I tried to emasculate you with tweezers and now you are complaining about the pain. Grrrrrr Kidding!! I wrote down your symptoms and that's it." In all honesty I don't see why we bothered with Urgent Care since we were only there for a whopping 5 minutes. The doctor had hubby drop his drawers and tried to cop a feel, which sent hubby straight to the ceiling. "Oh this is no good! You need to go to the ER." Really you think? That is why we are here!! That is all you can tell us? He then proceed to tell me everything Dr. Google had told me at home - for free!! "You need to have your testicle further examined sir before things get very bad." (Very bad = bye bye testicle)
After many hours and tests (and a shit load of money) at the hospital, hubby was found to have a severe contusion on his testicle. We still have no idea how or when but were told it was a good thing we got there when we did. These things are often ignored and turn ugly. I, personally have always found testicle to be quite homely, even ugly, so I am not sure how they could have gotten uglier.... but I digress. Thankfully hubby is home safe and sound but a little worn for wear. He has been instructed to rest, ice and medicate to help everything heal. I, on the other hand, am just hoping for a little peace and quiet before our next chaotic turn of events! This lassie has seen enough excitement for quite a while!
This is what I found under my television entertainment center (I sooo hate that word) this morning when fetching a car for Grady. I was shocked, well not really but somewhat, at the randomness of crap that has taken up home under our TV. There is the array of cat toys, a lone pig ear from a Tickle me Elmo, a six armed warrior, a rock, a strawberry and protective goggles from a Rescue Hero. Grady was quite pleased with the find, especially the silky soft play mouse - ick.
This is what I imagine was really happening under the television late at night while we were all asleep. hey, it could happen. What...?? You have never seen a six armed warrior fighting all that is evil atop a pig? Well then my friend, you do not know what you are missing!
On a completely different note, hubby decided to put the kennel up on Craig's List. He is titling it as a multi purpose dog kennel for your pup or dog house for your spouse. I am actually growing quite fond of how he looks in there. Maybe we will keep it after all!
Hubby took Grady outside after dinner last night to burn off some much needed energy while I finished up in the kitchen. I was enjoying the peace and quiet of the moment when I was quickly beckoned outside with a syrupy "Oh honey!!" I replied with an ever so sweet What the hell do you want now?! "Yeeesss"".
Hubby: Would you like to know what your son just said? Anything you want to tell me??
Me: Uh...no. Not that I can think of. Why?
H: Grady, tell Mommy who you just saw.
Grady: I just saw my other Daddy.
Me: Your who?
G: My other Daddy. He was running.
Hubby proceeded to tell me that as a man in our neighborhood ran by Grady exclaimed, "Daddy look!! There goes my other Daddy!" Thankfully the man had his iPod on and could not hear my son exclaiming his excitement about his questionable parentage.
Not even ten minutes later my cherub spouted this:
Grady: Mommy shut up!
Me: Excuse me?? We don't say those words.
G: I can only say them outside right?
M:No. You can never say that. It's not nice.
G: Oh..... Mommy, I smell garbage. snort snort.
Ah yes. He is such a little angel in disguise. It terrifies me to think of what he was saying when he went to pre-school. Guess it is better not to know!!
It just wouldn't be a Father's Day without a little manly dilemma. Can you guess who caused it?? Yes, it was the ever troublesome three year old. Grady, unbeknownst to us, managed to close the bathroom door and get it jammed. Somehow, when he closed it, the drawer closest to the door, slid open and made it impossible to open the door from the outside. Being as everyone was outside of the door - we had a problem.
Even the hinges were on he inside of the door, so hubby was at a loss. I remembered the skewers we use to make smores and thought they may fit into the small space we had to work with. Sure enough they did and the fine act of little movements, trying to close the drawer from the outside, began. After twenty minutes and two bent skewers we got the door open again. Another reason why Dads are so important! Happy Father's Day hubby!!
I will also add on to the greatness of Father's Day with my great and oh so exciting news. I was added to Alltop's list of Mommy bloggers! Confirmation, as my button says, that I kick ass. Sorry as I gloat, just for a brief moment.... ok, there I am done. If you click the button on the left you will find me - way, way, WAY down on the bottom - just where I like to be!!
As seen on TV!! Increase your storage space! Yeah, I know, I can't believe I bought them either. They were on an end cap in the evil store known as Target. BFF swears by them and if BFF swears by them, they have to be good. So I succumbed to temptation and bought some Space Bags. Since it is supposed to be summer sometime soon in the Midwest, I have taken all the blankets and down comforters off the beds. This creates havoc on the linen closet and decreases storage to less then nil. What harm could they do?
This morning I decided to put them to the test. I stuffed, I sealed and then I sucked. Well I didn't suck. I let the vacuum do that! What kind of girl do you think I am.... Never mind, don't answer that! Surprisingly they actually performed as they said they would - woo wee! Then the OCD kicked in. What else can I squish down to nothing? Ooo, my sweaters. Oh and maybe all of Drake's winter pants. Maybe the cats.... no I'm just kidding. Though it would alleviate all their fur that seems to be plaguing the house as of late. Then hubby walked in and got caught up in the excitement. He found bags that can hang in the closet - "Maybe I will do all my winter shirts?! Let's go to the evil store that is Target and get some more!" Sigh...and the addiction begins.
While driving my car last weekend and being repeatedly kicked in the back by Drake, hubby mentioned how I should probably upgrade to a big girl car. "And what pray tell do you mean by that?" I queried. "I think we have outgrown your car. We need something bigger". Humph. I love my car. I downsized to get my car. It is fast and zippy. It's a diesel, so it gets great gas mileage and I can always find parking when we go to Milwaukee or Chicago. "I will NOT drive a minivan and you can't make me!!" "No, not a minivan, just something a bit... bigger." 
This is the Mazda 5
So we spent some time Sunday looking at cars online. I really like the Mazda5. It has the third row seating but without the height and bulk of a van. It was actually almost the same height as my VW. I liked that I could tint out my windows and still have it look somewhat cool. I also really liked that the second row seats are bucket and recline - great for road trips! So nothing was every really decided and I thought it was just something we were throwing around. I didn't think twice when he asked me to drive his car to work Monday. Bad judgment on my part, very bad. He said he was going to have a dealership appraise it "just" so we would know what range we could look in. Lies, lies, lies. I should also mention that he exhibits numerous signs of ADD and has sever impulsivity issues. So with that said, you can probably see where this bumpy road is going.
At about 9am I got a text message that he was going to put my car up for sale online just to see if there was any interest. Well, there was, and a lot. Bugger had it sold in under six hours for more then the dealer was willing to offer. "GREAT!" he says as he is flashing his wheel and deal smile. "Crap!" I say. "You just turned us into a one car household!" Yeah, I was met with a blank stare and shrugging shoulders. He tried to woo my green side by telling me that the guy who is buying it is going to rebuild it and turn it into a bio-diesel car. "Much better for the environment honey!" Much better my butt! Now we have to rush and find a car. We can't just have one car. Hello?! I commute to Illinois everyday, you will become housebound and have to scrounge through your day. "What if you get called out to an emergency.... you know, like what happened twice last week??? Hell, once you had to fly out to Boston with one hour notice. What then?? Aaaaaahhh!" You can visualize the melt down can you not?
After a few glasses of wine and many nasty looks I decided that I am taking his car and claiming it as my own. It will now be his responsibility to find a new ride and preferably before we head out east next week for a brief holiday. Otherwise he will have to put his kicks to the pavement if he wants to go anywhere. Or, weather permitting, his new motorcycle girlfriend.
This is the new girl in my husband's life. He purchased her this weekend and is now praying the snow will melt so he can spend some quality time with her. I have, of course, established the rules of this new engagement, much to Drake's dismay. No one under 18 may ride her, especially my kids!! I will say I am kind of excited to partake in some joy rides this summer but am still a bit uneasy about riding a motorcycle. I am happy to say that the bike is older then I am so at least he didn't trade me in for a younger model!
But alas, I cannot. The project that was started three weeks ago is still incomplete. So reminiscent of the time he ripped up our only bathroom the day I was due with Drake. Ok, maybe not AS bad, but approaching the same delays in finishing. At least he didn't saw out any windows this time....
The constant nagging view from my kitchen. I think the newspaper decor is starting to grow on me.
What better time to start a kitchen project then at 4:00 PM on a lazy Sunday afternoon? The actual thoughts running through MY mind at this time are worded quite differently but I will try my best to keep this PG. John got one of his brilliant brainstorms to redo the backsplash behind the sink. Since he decided we aren't moving he has decided that there are a lot of things he would like to change about our house. Notice all the "he" in that last sentence? Enough said.
I was instructed to pull of the border. I had wanted to go to yoga.... yeah, that didn't happen. I will now mention that I loathe taking off wallpaper. It is so tedious, not to mention very messy. It also would have been a lot easier if it was done during Grady's nap time but again, I was not in charge of THE project. I was also not in the mood for any sort of project by that time of day. Drake on the other hand was more then willing to jump in and help. You can see in the picture below that my husband was allowing him to use a razor blade to open the tiles and cut them apart. This is a perfect example of the brain damage caused by chemical abuse during his youth!
Thankfully Drake finished the project with the same amount of appendages that he started with. John decided to hold off on grouting till he had more time. This translates to: I will have this unfinished project glaring at me everyday until I harp enough and he decides to finish it. And with his track record, he will probably pick another lazy Sunday afternoon!
If looks could kill I would be a widow today. I would have the bed to myself every night and would do a lot less laundry. I would stumble over a lot less shoes and dirty socks. But unfortunately my looks do not kill and my husband still lives. This same husband called at 4:30 on his way home to inform me one of his co-workers was going to spend the night. Could I make the house presentable? WHAT?!? Are you crazy?? Thankfully (and luckily) I scoured the house Sunday in preparation for our out of town guests coming Friday. Unluckily, Grady was in full gear and taking out eight toys to every two I put away. I quickly remade the bed with fresh sheets and fluffed all the pillows. He quickly jumped on the bed and threw off all the pillows and the comforter. What happened next was not pretty. My head began to spin and fangs sprouted in my mouth. By the look on his face it was quite a grotesque sight and he quickly scampered, with a little help on the behind, downstairs. I could hear him telling Drake, “Momma scaaarry Dake…. and mad!” At least I got my point across though it did not last very long.
The idea of an overnight visitor would not be so bad if it were not Tuesday night. Tuesday night is boys club and family night at church. We leave the house just before 6 and do not arrive home till almost 9:30. This does not leave much time for cleaning between homework, dinner and corralling the natives. And as I had said, Grady was in a very rambunctious mood.
His pre-school class had started practicing for their annual Christmas program and he was very content in sharing all his new songs. BUT no one else in the house could sing or even offer the correct words to the songs. So away he sang random words to no particular song, at the top of his lungs. This did not bode well with the seven year old who had homework and reading to do. “MOM!! Please make him stop!!!” This just fueled the musical fires of the little one till everyone’s ears were pierced with his challenged singing voice. Husband, who was on a conference call, offered no help except to make faces that the boy child was too loud. Again…if looks could kill.
After running around like a lunatic, frantically cleaning, the guest never arrived. They ended up working at the office until 5:30 am. (Husband went back to the office at 9:00 to finish up and never came home). So all my anxiety and death stares were for not. Guess I will have to save them up for another day…. just hopefully not too soon!
She is rather beautiful. Her curves are alluring. You can feel her shudder with your touch. And when she purrs it will send shivers down your spine. She is my husband’s first true love, his first car. He did have a thing for the girl at Bible camp (she kissed him behind a tree when he was 10), but that was short lived and just a summer fling, Yes, ironically my husband’s first car was a bitchin’ Camaro. It looked, so he tells me, exactly like the one pictured above. He sent me this picture with a plea, “Can I have her?” Someone is selling this car, similar to his first, but completely redone and in mint condition. His previous girlfriend also comes with a high price tag (don’t they all?). I tried being fair. I am not the jealous type, but to hear him go on and on and on about her…..well it gets quite draining. He swears she won't effect our relationship, that it is just superficial, not like the love we have. I point out that it is not family friendly. “Yeah??” I then point out that the boys will not fit in the back. “Yeah, that is the point.” Hmmm, so I am always stuck driving them around. I see how this will work. I ask if I can purchase something for me for the same price range. He laughs, a little too loud and a little too long. His fate is then sealed.... no ex-love will inhabit our garage and I will not share my man. His pout does not work the magic he wants it too. Sadly, his quest for revisiting his youth is shot down by the current love interest and there is not a guilty bone in my body!
Yesterday my husband was kind enough to go and pick out more cold medicine so we could both get a good night sleep. Our house has been infested with germs and we keep recycling the same cold/germs amongst ourselves. So we are basically both huge snotty messes. Throw in some coughing and hacking and a few good sneezes here and there and you will have the perfect picture of our sick selves. As I was brushing my teeth my husband was also nice enough to open the two Tylenol pills for me. I was exhausted from a long weekend of grunt work and a very physical and exciting soccer game. I drearily took the pills, popped them in my mouth and chased them down with a shot of water. As I climbed into bed I was almost asleep upon hitting the pillow. A few minutes of pre-sleep chatting and I was off to dream land. Until... 15 minutes later when all of a sudden I was jolted wide-awake. I felt fine and I was WIDE-awake.... why?? Oh well now let me tell you. I was wide-awake because my loving husband purchased extra long lasting, non-drowsy day formula of Tylenol cold. He might as well have slipped me an upper because there was not one ounce of drowsiness in my body. He on the other hand, was fast asleep. His years of dabbling must have made him immune to the speed like effects of the Tylenol. Not to worry!! Every once in a while I would give him a good jab or shove to remind him that I was WIDE awake while he lay there sleeping like a newborn babe. I am hoping my continued coffee buzz will get me through another soccer game tonight in the cold damp weather...yuck! We do get to play under the lights which is a bonus and reminiscent of days of old. Pretty fitting since I would often play games back then without much sleep too.
